I wonder what true happiness feels like. It just feels like a while since I have felt it. I mean, yeah, I have moments of laughter, and.....er.....randomness, but that just adds to my mystique. I mean, its not like its been FOREVER since I've been happy, but a good while. Quite a while, actually. I mean yeah, work sucks, life is boring, and school does start soon, but that doesn't matter as much when you look forward to someone or something.
I try to be cheerful, the "voice of reason" amongst others. I hope I do good. I am not saying that what I do is insincere, not that at all. When I am nice or having fun with someone, and I let them know, I mean it. I just feel like half an Allengator. You know, all the ingrediants with 50% less creativity. I am just not feeling like, "the world totally rocks and I love stuff!". I am more like, "The world exists. People exist. Stuff exists, as well as super-intelligent shades of the color blue.". Everything is just....there.
I need something to make things pop out again.
I need someone to make it happen.
I wonder what it would be like to just............be a romantic.....again.......ok, so maybe I wasn't much of one to begin with, but I am totally out of practice. No, I don't want to practice saying "I love you" to my pillow. That would just be wrong, especially since I sleep with it.
Disturbing is more like it. I think the floor beckons me tonight.
Actually, that is disturbing too.
Maybe I just yearn for someone special. Someone who can be there (if I can be, that is). Someone who can accept my geek-ism. Someone who can hold me as I hold her. Someone who can laugh at my pathetic jokes. Someone who makes me feel complete again. Someone who doesn't want to be alone anymore. Someone who can say "lawn darts are sexy", and ROTFLOL. I have no idea where I came up with that last one.
Do I want a girlfriend? But of course! It's not that I didn't want to before, but right now...I just feel like I need someone I feel that bond with. I need that bond again. Maybe if I found it................
Oh, forget it. It's not like anyone cares about reading about my pathetic life anyhow....
I'm not sad or depressed. I just feel lost, ok? Go ahead and ignore this entry. I have a feeling you'll do it without me asking anyways......
Allengator, JUST BE FREAKING HAPPY, STUPID!
Not that it helped, but seriously, don't worry. I'm just getting some stuff off of my chest.
Have a nice undetermined amount of time....