Allen (allengator86) wrote,

A Beautifully Screwed Up Mind

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize that you have not been paying real good attention to things that should be most important in your life? Yeah, me neither.

I don't know, but lately, I have just felt like something major is going to happen. Like a premonition I guess. I don't know why, I just feel that way. I guess lately, even though I'm still on vacation, I just feel like I am being stuck inside a room whose walls are closing in. I just do not know why I feel this way. Maybe I do.

I feel like in some ways, that I am living a lie. I am not saying that I have been lying to people or something, but I just feel like that I may not be expressing my full feelings. Sometimes, its like I keep secrets from people. I guess I do it because I don't want to hurt anyone. I am not saying that my secrets are mean or rude, but that it could really make some non-happiness abound.

Yeah, none of this makes sense to anyone, I doubt if anyone know what I am talking about, because I kinda don't know what I am talking about either. I guess I am writing this to say that I need to be more honest with people than I am now. Its like I am living with guilt, but having nothing to feel guilty about. I hate that!

I think the next few days will tell their story, but I really should think about what I need, instead of what I want. I have to put about half a million things on the back burner soon, but I don't want to be scalded. I know one thing that has to be done. I must get rid of fear. I am posting a private entry about something that best not be put on here, but I need to figure things out.

In closing, I'm pretty screwed up! Um......enjoy......bananas.....and root beer......

No clue why I said that, or anything else for that matter. Don't worry about me at all. I'll be fine before you know it, or as fine as I get anymore.

Anywho, best be off!

The Allengator

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