Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Lament for a Jerk

So yeah, I'm a retard.

I've been having a lot of things floating in my head lately, thoughts I wish would either leave or be resolved. I have hauntings of my past coming to try to steal my soul. I have joy, yet sorrow. I thought I had things figured out, but I have had two major curve balls just totally catching me off guard, and now I have two outs in this chapter of my life. I honestly thought that I was over my fears, but they conquered me tonight.

I'm human, and I make mistakes. I just made a major one tonight, involving two people I have deeply cared for. It is something I can not take back, and most likely, the way things are going now, will ever be redeemed for. I violated one of my principles, my own personal one. I have just sinned against myself. I have become what I desired not to be. I was tested, and I failed. I completely ruined what was to be an awesome thing going on. I was not wanting to ruin it, or willing to hurt anyone, but I did. I said something that ruined many people's lives. I now have to live with that the rest of my life. Crap.

I thought I learned my lesson years ago, but I guess being overwhelmed with emotions, I caved. I have spent many hours, and I'm sure the hours will turn to years, regretting that moment, a moment of weakness. I may never be forgiven for what I did, and maybe I deserve not to be. I just killed something just by my words.

If you have no clue to what I am talking about, don't worry. If you do.......please. Do not condemn me for one mistake. We all deserve a do-over. We all deserve a second chance. If I don't get that, well, maybe it is better that I never have crossed paths with your lives, that I shouldn't have existed in your minds to begin with. Your decision, could make that a reality for the rest of your lives. Do what is right in your hearts.

I humbly beg for forgivness.

The Allengator

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