Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Music, Dreams, Websites, and Engagements *Grumbles*

Hi-low everyone.

I do not remember if I mentioned this on here, but over the past few weeks I found out that a lot of my songs on my MP3 player are good coping songs. Seriously. Most people would mistaken them for emo songs, but they were quite good. I mean there are songs like “Back in Black” “Get Up” “Sunshine” “Free Bird” “Free as a Bird” “Foreplay/Long Time” “Wake Me Up When September Ends” “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” “Desperado” “Turn to Stone” and many, many more. Pretty good songs, and it helped me through my crap a few weeks ago.

This also raises a question. Am I emo? The answer is a big, fat no. Maybe I’m a selsad, or as we commonly call it, self sadist. For those of you with an education level lower than 10th grade, that means self-loathing, thus, my love for the angry Cliff strip a couple days ago. I digress. Though my random thoughts may be on to something. Why do I like these songs? It’s crazy. Crazy I tells ya. I mean maybe I do thrive more when I am depressed, or maybe I am able to better things. However, church has significantly improved since I have started my Tabula Rasa. I mean I am more attentive and I feel like I understand the material more than I have the past few weeks. That almost applies to school, especially linear class -_-*. I mean I know I thrive more when we have this weather, and for those of you who don’t know, it has been crazy overcast lately and pretty gloomy looking. I love it……crap. Maybe I am a selsad. Oh well, one less thing to worry about, right?

Other news. It feels like the past few days that the past few years of my life have been flashing before my eyes. Like I saw one of my old friends the other day at work, and I think she had a baby, which I would elaborate on, but it might not have been hers for all I know, and if I go into the history of her and I, it’d be long and complicated. Ok then. All this I say because I had ANOTHER freaky dream last night, with her in it and it was weird. All I really remembered that it involved her and me and love or something. That would be nice in real life, if her boyfriend/fiancé/husband/bodyguard wasn’t around her all the time, and she was baby-less. Anyways…..maybe I’m a deprived love-fiend and that’s why I have these dreams of making out with girls that I don’t have a chance with……maybe it’s that self loathing thing again….-_-*.

Ok, I know I have said this several times, but I am going to work on my church site AGAIN. Updating it is a hassle, and I think I can make it easier to navigate as well as for me. This will take a while, as I will have to completely tear it down and put up the new site, but the old will remain functional until the new is ready. As for my personal site, still on hiatus, probably until I am out of college. Riiiiiiight.

Heroes tonight, but I have a previous engagement I wish I could get out of, meaning work.

Peaces out.

The Allengator

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