What else has happened other than the obvious since my hiatus? Some stuff actually happend. What exactly happened? That is hard to tell on here, which is why I have kept a blog, of sorts, on my lappy. Yes, I am breaking my 40 days of silence on here, kind of a personal cleansing thing for me. I kept a log on my local lappy, which only, like one other person has saw, and they haven't said much.
Just a warning. Some of the things I have said on here are pretty harsh. I do not mean like I am cussing or anything, but some of the stuff I said is pretty hard, so take it with a grain of salt. Yeah, I am not as bitter as of the current, but I am still touchy on some subjects. The first few is fresh from the split, so I am pretty snarky in spots. So without furthur adieu, the almost complete and unabridged offline log!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
This is the Greatest and Best Thing in the World...
Ok, I want to blog these points so I do not forget them. I will post them on my other blogs as well, but I want to be able to blog like I used to, without all of this deep depression and all. Anyways...
Shoutout to Lurch. He showed me the "Tribute" music video by Tenacious D, thus the title of my blog.
I am having a blast in my digital class. We got back on our first test today. My score was one standard deviation above the average and was also the highest in the class. Shweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Funny conversation. Someone mentioned in one of my classes that since Steve Irwin (RIP) was stung and killed by the sting ray, people have been killing sting rays down in Austrailia, I guess to avenge the great croc hunter's death or something.....anyways, our teacher said "What about the dingoes eating their babies?" Oh...my....gosh....That totally made me laugh the rest of the day, which is something I have needed for a long time.
Somebody BETTER fix the darn money change machine in the commons area.....grrr......
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
If it isn't one thing...
Yestarday was not a good day for me, suprise suprise. My mom has been sick for a while, and it was pretty bad Monday. She went to an emergency hospital place, came home, dad and I couldn't get her out of the van, so we had to call an ambulance. Several first responders came, and I appreciate every one of them so much for helping us. They took her off, and my dad and sister told me to stay in Marshfield so I could go to work. Of course I protested, but I knew that I would only be bothersome. Long story short, as I want to keep this a personal matter, she is recovering fine at Cox South and she will be taken out of the special unit and placed in a regular room and will hopefully be relased around Saturday. I am praying so much.
This has been a crappy month, to say the least. I mean especially lately, being pretty upset about other stuff concerning myself, and this happens....it just makes me appreciate what I do have now. I feel like I have lost a lot of friends since....you know.....the thing, and I just wanted to be treated at least as I was in the past, but now....I guess I'm just giving up on my end now. There have been a few people there for me the past couple of weeks, and I can say that I truly love you guys so much, and you guys helped me more than you will ever know.
Hospitals, Segments, Smiling, Blogs, or All of the Above
Just quickly updating.
Well, my mom is still in the hospital, so I have been spending a lot of time at Cox. Today, we just got word that she might be out in a few days. I would hate to say I'm a skeptic, but that's how life goes. Unfortunately, I probably won't be able to see her much until Tuesday. Friday I have to catch up with important things like sleep, bathing, homework, and chores at home. Saturday I have to go to work in the afternoon til night, so I won't be able to see her then. I will probably go up after morning service on Sunday, but I figure she will yell at me if I miss evening service, mostly because we will be few in number and our speaker comes from a long drive. Monday, I have to go to work pretty much after school, once again leaving no time for me to see her. If she is still up there by Tuesday, I will see her for a few hours again, like today. We hope that she will be home by then.
In other news, we recieved a HUGE project in digital today, trying to light up a 7 segment LED with numbers 0-9 and letters a-f. We were broken up in teams to build a system that would light up a certain segment at a given time. Mostly big due to writeups. In Linear, we are learning about BJTs, and I am having a hard time getting the concept at times (as well as my instructor -_-*). In media class, its just easy and monotonus.
Right now I am oddly doing good. I'm not sure if it's the result of the lack of sleep, reality hitting with the whole hospital deal, a convo I had last night, or just God giving me hope, or a combonation of all of these. I did not expect to recover this quickly from the split, but I am feeling much better about myself right now, and I am actually smiling on occassion. Weird.
I know this is longer than most entries on here, but I am trying to get back into the habit of regular blogging before I start up with my xanga and lj again, and when I start them up again, this thing will be dead, once again. (Edit: I will be copying and pasting the entries from here onto those when I start up again.)
Thanks to everyone who is there for me, and for some, well, like I say in a non-smart-elecky way, better late than never. I'm serious.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Wow....I am honestly at a loss for words right now.
I mean, life is kinda screwed up right now. Ok, quick runthrough of facts:
Mom is back home, and Oxford is not coming over now, thank goodness! She should be back to good strength in a couple of weeks, I hope!
Work? Yeah, been there, done that.
School is still pretty awesome. I think this has been one of my favorite semesters by far, despite recent happenings.
Church.....sigh. Only 3 of us were there tonight. With the rest of my family out for looking over my mom, vacation, and age, that does not leave much. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed the discussion tonight, but its kinda hard to be cheerful when you have few people there and bills to pay on a building....
Ok, now on to people. Erin talked with me tonight, and man....she seems broken up right now. Maybe not like before, but something is bothering her. I am not sure if its about our split, or if its purely collegiant stuff, but she was kinda despondant when I talked to her. I was trying to life her up, but I sucketh at that sometimes...especially with her.....anyways, its odd because its like we have had a role reversal. She is kind of sad about a lot of things, and I'm being mellow. It was almost the opposite a few weeks ago.
Ok, I am going to open up again, and I'll try to make it as painless as possible. The first couple of days, I honestly tried to stay away from Erin a lot, so I could figure things out. The more she talked to me, the more upset I got. Later, she's going on like she's having a blast and I'm here just hurt, so I decided to just not appear online for a while. This lasts about a week and a half, just putting myself as invisible to almost everyone. Yeah, I blocked myself from the world. I needed alone time. After the wounds started to heal, I cam online more and more, and now days, I'm hardly invisible anymore. I had to be the last few days, because I did not want to start any conversations while I was with my mom, but thats a special case.
When we talked tonight, I did not feel the pain I have had before, well, as bad. Maybe it was because she was not oging on about dorm life and stuff, you know, how awesome life is. Im not saying I like her like this, because I dont at all, but she is easier to talk to on my part.
Weeks ago, I listened to songs on my MP3 player that made me cry and reminded me of what I lost. Today, I can play almost anyhting with very little pain, and even then its short.
Maybe I'm over this better than I thought I would be.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
What in the World is Wrong With Me?
Ok ok ok. I know the entry may sound like I am going to go postal and say more things about how I feel post-breakup with my ex, but its totally not that....
Alright, PARTIALLY not that.
I have been thinking of different scenarios the last few days, and one I thought of was if she desired for us to be together again, would I take the bait. In the end, my answer would be no. Not only no, but no way jose! Ouch, huh? Why? Simply put, after our split, well, lets just say I was EXTREMELY screwed up. If we were to have a relationship again, I would be extremely wary of being hurt like that again. Erin kinda showed some of her semi-true colors throughout the fiasco, and what I saw, I did not like. Why am I telling you this? Well, I had a dream.
Last night I dreamed I was watching a movie somewhere, like a downtown bistro/bookstore type place, and I guess she was there too. She was like "Allen...I....I....." and then she kissed me! I didn't kiss back by any means, but she was putting herself into it. It freaked me out. Then something came along like I was at a year-round carnival type place, went into a concession stand, ordered a small drink, and it cost like over $100. I don't carry aroind that type of money, and I told him there were errors on the bill. He grabbed my money and gave me a bill and told me to go to the artist's stand and work off my debt. Well, Erin was there and she was with another guy, with a tear in her cheek, and said it was over, then turned to the guy, and she started to laugh and have fun. Right in front of me. Penniless, heartbroken, emotionally screwed up, and there she was, carefree.
I have no idea what this dream means, but when I woke up, I just stared at the ceiling and asked the question again, "What would I do?" Now...well, the answer is still no, but maybe not as strong, but still pretty certain. I dunno. I've been through a recent slump a few days ago, and now I am melancholic of stuff. I am still dreading the day I see her face to face again. Totally not looking forward to it.
On the uptick, people are talking to me again!!!!!!!!!! Yays! Yes, talking to them has made me feel oodles better. I do not feel the need to go off on another manically depressive blog again!
But what about my love life now? Honestly, I am not really looking real hard for someone, because I need to make sure that what happened in my previous relationship will not be repeated in the next. How can I be sure? No clue. But ladies, I'm available!!!!!!!!!!
School is getting crazy. My two electronics classes are ok, as long as I know what I need to turn in. I also need to be sure I know how to solve for BJT amplifier circuits. As for my telecommunications/electonic media class, it's still good. All my classes are good. We are also working on a new club centered around electronics students. Uber Exciting!!!!!
Work is currently the place I dread going to. I have 3 main places I go each week. Home, School, and Work, and one of the three is ALWAYS a place I dread going to. Usually its work, but sometimes it's home. School on a very rare occasion.
I also needto start looking for a place to live, for now, possibly in Springfield. Unfortunately, with theway my pay is at work, it looks like I'm stuck in Marshfield for a while.
Lost is back on with a vengance!!!!!! I also have a second new TV love, and that is Heroes. Awesome shows. Yes, I still watch The Amazing Race and Survivor, but they have lost their luster, especially the latter.
In closing, just over a month away from the launch of the Nintendo Wii. SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, so now I shall close this entry with an excerpt of a future feature on my blog, "The Bible of the Electrical Engineer"
Ampilations 7:2 - I tell you these things so you will not be LED by others, thus sayeth the Emitter.
Yeah, thats pretty much it. I hope to blog more in the near near oh so near future, or something like that.