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'Gator? I hardly knew her!

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English is Hard to Master for English Speakers
Ice King, Adventure Time
Sometimes I think I am too smart for my own good. It's true. My smartness has gotten me into trouble many times. This also sucks because I work in retail at a place that has a stereotype of catering to the less intelligent masses that may or may not have mullets. This has taught me to learn the language of bumbling idiots, and believe me, I mean that in the gentlest was I can. Truth is that I know I am annoying.

When I was younger, English and grammar was my worst subject, and where I received my first "F" on a homework paper. Stupid, commas. However, I find myself becoming more and more of what they call a grammar nazi. You know them, they feel the need to correct everything that a person incorrectly says. I am constantly correcting things my sister says. Just yesterday she created the word worser. I told her that worser isn't a word and she could just say worse or more worse, but the last one seems redundant. Another big one I have found myself correcting people about the difference between irony and coincidence. I used to have a problem with this myself but have gotten out of the habit.

Going to the convention, two people dressing up as the same character is a coincidence. Going to the convention and seeing a known pacifist dressing up as Duke Nukem is irony. You may see someone dress as someone you thought about dressing up. That is coincidence. You see a girl who cannot stand models and people who sell their body dressing up in an Indian suit where her bosom is leaping out of her skin tight costume with lots of cleavage showing, that would be irony. Irony does not equate to coincidence. It's that simple.

Here is a test. Timmy filled his balloon with helium and it plummeted to the ground. Is this irony or coincidence? Answer: Neither. It's an improbability.

Next would be the people stuck in perpetual texting mode. Having learned of the niceness that is SMS messaging, I understand how limiting someone to 140 characters seems jarring, but there is no excuse in substituting words or numbers for words. 4 exmpl, I think ur gr8. U have no idea how often I see that on Facebook and how much it makes me want to invent a device that allows you to slap people across the Internet. However, this isn't just limited to texters. This has been going on for ages. Example, the word nite. Nite is NOT a word or even a good substitute for the word night. It is only one letter shorter and makes you look like you're trying to attract young girls to your Myspace page. Tonite is the ugly cousin of this word.

Often I get fliers on my car for various events in the area, such as half off for pizza or a free movie day sponsored by a local church. Here is roughly what one looked like:

FREE movie day Saturday March 18th
at the church grounds behind the school
Popcorn and Soda will be provided
Make a donation. We ask for $1.
Fax: xxx-xxxx
Phone: Gene Bobster xxx-xxxx

After looking over this masterpiece, I began to tear it apart like crazy. I shot them an email and told them everything they did wrong, such as not using enough punctuation and improper capitalization among other smaller things. I basically told them that if every mistake cost them 10% of a grade in school then they would get below 0%, if possible. Funny how I never heard back from them.

One of the biggest offenders to my ears are the valley girls/hipsters. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it on here before, but the word "like" is being misused to the point where I hope a Like Like from the Legend of Zelda comes down and consumes those who chant his name. Man is another word that annoys the snot out of me. Guys who end every freaking sentence with man should be sent somewhere to be physically removed of the portion of the brain that allows for human speech because they obviously aren't using it. I also can't stand babe or baby, but once again I think I would be repeating myself.

People say that we only actually use 10% of our brains, but I'm sure that for some people that it is more like 10% of 10%, or 1% if you would. They walk around mad because their brain cannot seem to function properly and they take it out on other people because they can't fathom a grocery store that has ran out of strawberry jam or because they can't read or understand the label on a sack of bread. I am not saying it's wrong to make a mistake, mistakes happen. It is just inexcusable to put the blame on someone else for your mistake. If you don't understand it, just admit it. I would respect you more for your honesty than your personal belief that bologna isn't spelled the way it should be. It is not right to lash out at people if you can't understand something.

Sometimes I think that we are limited to 10% of our brains, I just wish people would stop limiting that same amount of their hearts.

The Allengator