Allen (allengator86) wrote,

My Apologies to Dire Straits Fans For the Entry Below

Now that I have some more free time, I can talk about all sorts of stuff that has happened over the past few months. One of these things is my newly found hatred of the band Dire Straits.

One of the local classic rock radio stations had a contest going on called the "battle of champions" where they played one song from two groups, then people either called in or voted on the website of the radio station to cast their vote for the better band. Now for the most part some of the battles were either really good (KISS vs. AC/DC) to the slaughters (Pink Floyd vs. Soundgarden).

Now to begin, I guess you could call me a Beatles fanboy. I have every last one of their albums and can even stand listening to a couple of them in their entirety, given that my attention span is like that of a kindergartner hyped up on sugar most of the time, that is simply a musical feat that no other group has yet to achieve. They Might Be Giants alllllmost did it, as did the Brothers Chaps, but Beatles are in a league of their own. Now true, their songs were not perfect, and there are only a handful of songs I can actually tolerate that is constantly evolving, but they remain 40% of my mp3 player's songs. You would find me rocking out to "I Want to Hold Your Hand" rather than "Wake Me Up When September Ends". In any case, what does this have to do with the first paragraph? Let me explain.

The Beatles vs. Dire Straits.

The Freaking Beatles vs. Dire *bleeping* Straits.

Guess who won? Take a crack at it. Just take a friggin' swing at it.

Yes, the intelligent people of the lower part of the Ozarks chose Dire Straits over the Beatles, leading to one major question: WHAT THE *censored* IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE HERE? I mean these are the same people who chose Pink Floyd as the best artist from the previous year, so the track record isn't looking too good. Now if the Beatles lost to another group like AC/DC or ZZTop, I would have been ok with it, but no, it was Dire Straits.

Naturally, this caused me to stop and think a sec. Just who are Dire Straits? So after doing some quick research I found out that they are quite posisbly one of the least qualified rock bands of all time, next to Ashley Simpson. I thought they were a one-hit wonder band with the song "Money for Nothing", but evidently they had a plethora of other smash hits including "Sultans of Swing" quite possibly one of the most annoying byproducts of the 80's. The sound they produce isn't rock. Its more like sofy, folky, guitar barf.

And they beat the Beatles. This can not stand. Hey Jude >>>>>>>>>>> Money for Nothing

Maybe my musical task in life is to raise Beatles awareness to everyone. Its not that they need more exposure, but they need more of their music selection played. Perhaps if radio stations would play some of the more obscure songs like "Old Brown Shoe", "All Together Now", or "Dear Prudence" then people would appreciate them more. We need to hear the odder ones to appreciate the hits they produce.

I would say "Doctor Robert", but even this idea has its limits.

So the next time you hear about the Beatles, just remind yourself that the fine folks in hickerson redneck woods USA think that Dire Straits is better. Prepare yourself by listening to their greatest hits for hours unend.

And this is the part where I feel bad for you. Sorry you have to go through that torture.

The Allengator
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