Today I had a wish. Its actually a wish I have several times. I wish they would invent some technology that would allow us to telepathically connect with our electronics. My main one would be either Livejournal or notepad. My thoughts can be pretty...er...interesting...I can be quite angsty about random idiots. I forget these and fail to blog them either because of time or a failing memory.
For example, while I was parking today, some lady in a handicapped licensed car was sitting in the alley where you park your car. Let me diagram it out for you:
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /
****random handicapped person
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
She not only managed to block several parking spots, but I needed to go down this aisle to find a space for myself. I thought she was moving on ahead so I was turning into the alley, but she wasn't, so I was successfully blocking traffic. Then she started to flail her arms around. She started to signal me, but I couldn't tell what she was saying, so I did the only thing a smart person like me would do in this situation. I tilted my head to one side. Then she started to signal more, with flourish this time. Then she started to give me signals that kids should never be subjected to and too many pose for on Myspace. You know, the third finger. So I nodded, smiled, and started to pass her. THEN she decided to go in REVERSE. Right towards my car. Thank goodness for my caffeine induced reflexes. I dodged her assassination attempt and got out unscathed. Man. I looked after I parked. Yup, she was still blocking other spots, going both in forward in reverse.
Now I do recognize and support people who are handicapped and their special parking. Heck, my parents need one. What I can't stand is when idiots like that think they are special enough to get away with anything. No, no you can't. Since being outside is more or less what I've done at work recently, I have seen the assinineness of bad elderly parking. It irritates me to no end. They think they can not only illegally park in FIRE LANES, but also anywhere they feel justified in parking. That is not how it works. You got there late. You lose. Of course I want to copy down license plate numbers and report them or give them tickets, but you see, that would give me some job satisfaction, so of course I am not allowed to report parking violations. Stupid rules.
I also had another encounter about a week ago. I was in downtown Springfield, known for their bars, gay bars, large amounts of homeless people and street gangs. Lots of bad medicine goes on over there. I was around there getting a snack from a gas station (they are the only ones that carry my preffered brand of energy drink. After I parked, this big black man walks up to me in street clothes. He scared me. He kinda looked at me and my car, then opened his mouth. Here is the rough translated conversation:
Big black guy: "Hey man, I was, man, wandrin' you know man, that, dawg, trash car, man, got any crash or mugs man. Tucked out, man, over there, dude."
My thoughts: "OMG!!!! THIS GUY IS GONNA ROB ME!!!!!!"
My actual response: I have no money, sorry.
The truth: Aside from cards, I really didn't have any money.
After going inside, I saw what the guy wanted. I didn't get it out of his drawl at all. He wanted...wait for it...jumper cables. He needed jumper cables to get his car started. I am pretty much quoting him word for word. Then triple A came by and towed jumped their car. I felt kinda bad for about one second.
Now, I don't care about someone's skin color. I have better success getting an intelligent conversation out of my African American friends than I do with most white people. However, though I believe stereotypes are insulting and stupid, they are true more often than not. I met someone who fits the bill as a stereotypical "gangsta". He had his pants up to about his knees, wearing overly baggy shirt, had more boxer than actual pant, and wore a baseball cap with a straight brim with a du-rag underneath. Again, I try my best not to judge, but appearances make it hard. Can you imagine going to a job interview like that? But I am ok with all that. Its the speech that irritates me. Look, I am ok with people calling eacher other "dude" or "man" or "bro" or "sista", but I am NOT ok with the assaulting abuse of certain words. I believe I talked about the word "like", but this is almost as bad. I needed a translator to get through this guy's dialogue. People, we are not neaderthals in a cave. LEARN TO TALK TO THE POINT PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!!!! When I can't understand your simple request, it does not make you look cool. It makes you look like an idiot.
There were other encounters over the past couple of weeks, but I either don't remember them or remember my thoughts on them, which is why I go back to my original point. We need technology that can put our thoughts either into a file or on something that is not Twitter. Do that and not only will I post daily, but I garuntee that the jibs on here will be wittier.
Likelyhood of this happening in my lifetime: Close to zero.
We also need a "gansta" translator/dictionary.