Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Being Forced to Compromise My Beliefs at Work.

This entry is very unpleasant for me to type up, but I am horribly upset about something that happened at work tonight, and I just need to let people know why, so they don't think that I'm just being weird. Truth is is that I am fighting back tears as I say this, so please take it seriously.

There are things people hate to do, then there are things that are abominations. These can be different for everyone. One person may be appalled with drinking alcohol while someone else, which is horrible, would rather fall off a cliff they are hanging on than to let someone of a different skin color help them up. I have a huge list, and I have not had to compromise on them unwillingly. Tonight, though, such a thing happened.

Please don't laugh or mock at my abomination. I had to work on a tobacco cashier stand tonight. If you think that's petty, then how about I make you do something you are completely against.

I have grown up in a clean home. No drugs, no beer, no cigarettes. My mother used to smoke, and she regrets it and stopped for my sister's and I sake. That is not why it upsets me. I am asthmatic, and I can never willingly participate in the act of smoking even if I wanted to. It would literally kill me after a few puffs. That is not why it upsets me. We were taught in school to not do drugs, to smoke or drink. That is not why it upsets me. Its an abomination to me, because I think its a sin to take drugs.

Now I am not about to get preachy on you and cite passages from the Bible or anything. I know people willingly do it, and far be it from me to judge them. Its called free will. I can't hang around people smoking, again, for my health, but if they want to do it, its their grave they are digging. I will advise them to stop, I will tell them its bad for their health, but I can't force them to stop.

I won't ever admit to being the person who knows the most about the Bible. I can cite passages and give a book, chapter, and verse for this or that, including taking drugs. I say
I don't know much, but I do know that if something is in the Bible, something forbidden or considered a sin to God, then I know to abstain from it. Its not outdated, it was written by inspired apostles, who had a direct link to God through the Holy Spirit, and if I want to get into God's Heaven in the afterlife, then I need to adhere to his scriptures.

That being said, I know it doesn't expressly forbid "cigarettes" or "tobacco", but it does say to not take something that can harm our body, something God created for us. So yes, I do think that doing any of these things is a sin.

So yes, I take umbridge to being forced to cashier for people who want to smoke. I am offended someone would make me do it. I am saddened that they don't listen to my protests. I am depressed because they don't care. No one seems to anymore.

A thought does come to mind to some of you. If I am against selling tobacco, then I should also be against selling alcoholic beverages as well. Honestly, I am. I wish they had "Alcohol-free" registers, because I get a pit in my stomach when I sell anything like that to anyone. However, there is only one register at our store that is allowed to sell tobacco. We stand in front of a couter filled with perephinellia, and they request what they want. So now I am basically an agent. I am being a part of allowing them to sin. I can't refuse them as it is the only place in the store they can get it. That is how I feel. Again, my main objection is that I am becoming an agent in allowing them to sin. I feel horribly bad. I went to the breakroom and prayed for about 10 minutes out of my one 15 minute break. I still had this feeling that I did some horrible things. I felt, and still feel, a huge void of regret.

There is an account in the Bible about an old prophet and a man of God. While traveling, the man of God was specifically asked to not go through a certain area by God himself, and he complied. The old prophet talks him into going to his place to eat and drink. He goes along fully knowing he is going to the area God specifically forbade him to go to. God was not pleased, and as the man of God went on his way, a lion killed him, left his carcass, and his donkey alive, standing next to them. This was God's way of punishing him, for believing the lie. If the lion was hungry, it would have attacked the donkey and not left the carcass of the man of God there. It also would have not just been there not eating it. The old prophet sees this scene and knows he did wrong. He has remorse. He know he has sinned. He aided the man in the lie, which he knew was a sin. He asks for forgiveness, but still feels horrible about what happened, even asking for him to be buried next to the man of God when he dies.

I go into this account because I believe it to be a parallel to how I feel. That is how I feel whenever someone wants a Budweiser, or a carton of Marbolos, and asks me to ring it up. I pray for strength. I pray for fogiveness. I still feel like I should to something. I can't go into a sermon on a register. It turns a lot of people off. I can't ask management to not make me cashier anymore. They would fire me. I am, as they nowdays say, screwed.

I have worked there for over three years, and in those years, I have been asked to work that register. Everytime I vehemently, but politely, refused and ask for alternative plans, and that has always worked. Today it didn't. I was forced to do something against my will, despite my objections. After that, I lost all concentration. I felt emotionless. I felt a mix of anger, resentment, regret, depression, and sadness. I still feel that now. I probably will for days now. I know its probably petty to you, but I am not you. I wish someone out there understood this other than my parents. Even my sister thinks I'm a moron for thinking this way.

I wanted to just go in the managerial office and resign my position. No job is worth feeling what I feel, would put me through what I've been through. You have to be a a-hole to get anywhere in this life. Hard truth. I was even steps away from doing it. Sure, I could have explained the situation, but I would have ended up being repremanded for it. I wold have been told to not be such a....tool, moron, *insert profanity dog related strings here*, emotional prick, etc. Again, they don't care. No one there does. They would have laughed. Nothing gets through to them. They only care about themselves and making a profit. This much I have harshly learned.

If it wern't for tuition, I would have quit in a heartbeat. There are hardly any good jobs here. It would have been a long time coming. I am tired of being emotionally, and generally abused by upper management. I am tired of being an errand boy. I am tired of being used. I am tired of being asked to do something I am against. This job has officially sunk down to near the same level of my previous one. The only thing I get is a 401k and slightly higher salary. I am better than this.

If I am asked to compromise my beliefs again, there will be reprecussions.

The Allengator
Tags: meaningful

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