May 20th, 2012

Ice King, Adventure Time

How Far Will I Go For Love? Evidently, a Trip to Pluto Would Be Faster

I had not one, but two women recently talk to me online from ads I have on specific dating websites.  Yes, I am a lonely guy, and yes, I miss holding the sweet body of a lady, but I've had a couple of experiences lately that have made me think differently, not about sexuality or something like that, but how far I'm willing to go to find love, and what I am looking for.

The first one I will call "Seemingly Desperate Female", or SDF for short.  We were talking and making mention of the fact that I call myself a "flamboyant geek".  Soon, she started to talk about kinks.  Unfortunately, she was talking to the world's most oblivious guy and hit a wall of sorts. 

You see, I'm a virgin, and plan on being one until marriage.  I also know my weakness for temptation and realize that the way to keep me in check is to never learn about exact procedures or meanings of certain vocabulary terms until I am going to wed my wife.  Ignorance is truly the best invention since the light saber.  Don't get me wrong, I know about things that turn me on, and am looking around for various things that excite me, but I file that for future use instead of acting upon it.

So then I mentioned one of my turn-ons, and she immediately exploited it, majorly.  She told me if I would do a couple things for her, she would act out on my fantasies.  I was ecstatic, and thought about the possibilities, then I realized something.  I didn't really know a thing about her.  So I started to ask her some simple questions, like what she was doing with her life.  Where she saw herself several years from now.  SDF answered these in quick succession with a "please come over to my place ASAP" attached to the end.  Evidently, she knew everything she needed to know about me.  Then I asked her, "how soon do you want a relationship" and her answer was "NOW!!!!!!! VISIT ME EVERYDAY ASAP!!!".  Now I am not a genius, but there are some truths I know.  One, someone with pure motivations for love wouldn't be so forceful. Two, no woman in the history of women have ever come on that strong to me.  It just doesn't happen.  Three, I felt like something wasn't right.  So I did the thing that made sense.  I assumed that SDF was actually a dude who was trying to troll me, and told her I wanted more time to get to know her.  Evidently, that response was enough to make me non-existent.

After the disappearance of SDF, I had another response from a girl I will call "Normal Starving Lady".  We really hit it off.  After the mistake of SDF, I made sure to let her know that I was looking for a real relationship, but I needed to know the person first.  She agreed with me, and we talked for a few hours.  After a spell, we got into the topic of guess what, out turn-ons.  I told her mine, and she told me she was a virgin, but needed physical contact in the form of making out.  Now, I am not opposed to making out with a lady.  I used to with my ex long ago.  They were passionate times of raw romance that made me feel like I was important to someone, and that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

NSL told me that she needed to feel that again, and asked me when I could come over.  I said "LOLWUT", but more respectfully, then asked her what her version of making out was.  Let's just say our definitions were pretty different. Hers involved some...hand work...while mine was just holding and kissing someone until you are out of breath.  I told her I didn't want to go beyond that, and she said she would try to live with that, and asked me if I could come over either tonight or the next day. 

Then a vision of George Bush came to me and said "Say Nope to Dope".  I told him that made no sense.  Then he corrected himself and said "Just say no".  Then a pair of Nikes came in and said "Just do it".  So here I was, being pulled by my animal lusts, and my love for catchy phrases from presidents.  I guess this was a parallel to my decision of physical attraction vs. respecting a person.  In the end I had to ask myself, how far do I want to go for love?

I looked inside my conscience, I thought about God, and I thought about cheese, because I was hungry.  Finally, I told her I couldn't do that, because it wasn't respectful to either of us.  She agreed we were heading for trouble, and that was the end of that.

So now here I am, I had two offers this past weekend to have my physical lingerings for the female body quenched after several years of nothing, and I rejected them both.  Some would say I'm a wimp.  Some would say I'm a gentleman.  I have no idea what this says about me as a person.  One thing I do know is that I have no fear of commitment.  In fact, I can't stand people who don't want to commit to anything.  It irritates me that a simple I Love You has more weight than coitus.  However, did I just run away because of my so-called morals, or was it because deep down inside, I'm scared?

Honestly, I don't know the answer to that one.  That will be my thought to ponder for the next little while.  Maybe I am seeking a relationship built on a connection, maybe a friendship, and a mutual respect for one another instead of a raw, physical, animal-like fulfillment.  Sure, I want both, but I realize that I favor the person over the acts.

If this makes any sense to anyone, let me know.  Am I crazy, or just merely ignorant?

The Allengator