January 18th, 2012

Ice King, Adventure Time

A Way to Stop People From Speeding

I know someone who speeds in a vehicle and wanted to take the measures to ensure this doesn't happen again.  I prevented the car from ever being started again, went to the dealership where the person bought the car and shut them down, and then tore down every billboard as well shut down the roads where the speeding happens.  Yes, it may seem like overkill, but better to cut off access for thousands of people than let one man have the opportunity to speed.  Unfortunately, this didn't work to well.

There are more than one road for someone to speed on.  I take alternate highways to work, so it was only a matter of time before my acquaintance found another road to speed on.  I promptly shut down those roads as well.  Soon, every main artery of the highway system was shut down.  However, I did not take into consideration the side roads, often dirt or gravel, like most are in Missouri, and now he speeds on those.  I don't get what I did wrong.  I shut down every major route that a regular person would choose, closed all the dealerships that dealt with individuals like him, and, yes, innocent people now have to take inconvenient methods of traveling as well as buying cars only from places that I so authorize them to.  It is a headache for everyone, but at least the speeders can be easily caught.

So I had each side road monitored.  Many people have been pulled over.  Some are people who didn't know the speed limit because they didn't see the sign.  Some are people who drive the same kind of car the speeder did.  Some bought the car from the dealership.  It doesn't matter if they bought it before the speeder was caught, it is still wrong to buy a car from there! 

Despite all of these measures, the speeder decided to go underground, through nature trails, anything to circumvent my blockades, and nothing seems to stop him from trying to bypass the laws.  I don't get it.  I monitored everything he did.  I blocked his favorite car dealerships.  I did everything in my power to keep him from speeding, but he passes me by, and all the while regular commuters are irritated with my new restrictions.

Why are my methods backfiring against me?

Yes, I know that was a bit over the top, but I sincerely believe that this is the equivalent to either PIPA or SOPA passing.  My name is Allen, I am a website developer, and it will scare me to see these bills pass.  I am against piracy.  Nothing irritates me more than seeing years of hard work being stolen with nothing but an Internet connection.  However, these pieces of legislation will not solve the problem, and will only encourage pirates to circumvent the restrictions on the government while stifling the basic freedoms that the average Internet user has.  I think a better initiative can be passed, but it will take more than just a few special interests and media companies to do it.  Companies like Google, Wikipedia, Facebook, and other media giants need to be included for any draft of anti-piracy on the Internet.  In fact, all mediums, including television, film, the Internet, radio, and other media methods should get their say in this form of legislation.

In short, please consider pulling your support of either of these bills.  I understand that we are trying to dissolve something that is wrong, but we need to go about it in a smart way.  I truly believe there are major unintended consequences if these pass, and that will not just hurt some lackadaisical pirates, not just the average Internet user, but people like me who intend on making this their form of work and supporting their lives.  Please put an end to these flawed bills.

Thank you,