December 19th, 2010

Ice King, Adventure Time

Why I Will Never be a Published Author

The posts haven't been as frequent, I know, but I've been busy with work (retail during the holidays is more like re-HELL) and I've been working on a story. Here it is:

The Saga of Petey the Monkey  

By The Allengator

Just kidding! Its actually a real-life story story. I'm not saying it's nonfictional, but it's more or a "The Outsiders" type of story, one that could conceivably happen. I actually will not be posting this on here at all because of a couple reasons: One, it's really not that good as far as fiction goes and borders on the boring and two, it involves some fetishy-type stuff that I would rather people and friends not to read. I know this is my personal blog and I shouldn't worry about the 2-3 people who actually look at this, but I worry about other outsiders seeing it. I won't go into the absolute details, but it is definitely not for all audiences, rated PG perhaps, but not meant for everyone.

When I was younger and dumber I would write "fan-fiction" and it would be horribly bad. I think my thoughts on fan-fiction are well documented on here and I violated many rules of the writing genre. One would be I would replace the main character of the series, for instance instead of Ash becoming a pokemon master, I would be, and instead of Misty joining him, it would be my current crush at the time. I went through about 4 or so Mistys. Brock would be my friend, and I have about 3 Brocks. I would travel, get badges, meet trainers, and run into the terrible trio known as Team Rocket. Yes, the trio from the anime, James, Jessie, and Meowth. I have no idea why I didn't change them to my real life nemeses, but whatever. I rolled with it.

The worst part wouldn't be the fact that I hid these from public, or that I wrote them in faded pencil, or that my handwriting was barely legible, but that I wrote in script. It would be like this:

Ash: C'mon Pikachu.

Misty: I'm gonna smack you with my hammer!

Brock: I'm totally not gay.

But no, it gets worse. After a while, it seemed to be too much of a task to write down their names time after time after time, so I started to just write the first letter of their names, like so:

A: I'm gonna be a pokemon master!

M: I'm releasing some sexual tension on you!

B: I'm still not gay!

So when I got to James and Jessie, it would look like this:

J: Oooohoohooo, we want your Pikachu.

J: And all your other pokemon while we're at it.

M: That one dude is totally gay. He's wearing a frilly apron!

After doing this for several years....yes, years, I began to realize something; I loved women, and I was attracted to them a certain way, so then I started incorporating THAT into my fiction as well. Nothing like a poorly written pokemon fan fiction script with fetish material in it, let me tell you.

One thing I never did was show them to ANYONE. I rarely went back to read it. A couple years after I stopped writing, I burned all the fiction I could find. I know I didn't find all of them, and it haunts me when I find a folder with faded writing in it. No one in my family ever saw them, none of my friends did, and I was rarely on the Internet nor would have felt like sharing them on there. They were that bad. After that, I renounced fan fiction and have sworn off of it since then.

What I am doing now is not fan fiction, but fantasy fiction. Not fantasy as in "Oh, we're going to scout the New Zealand mountains for a mystical ring and stave off a dragon", but more like "In a perfect world, my life would turn out more like this." I learned my lesson that day I burned my books. My fiction is really for my eyes only.

Although I have yet to learn this lesson. I have posted one chapter of my story on a completely different website. I won't link to it or tell you which site, but its out there, and according to the site, two people have downloaded chapter one. It's a start.

Wow, did I really waste an entry talking about my failed attempts of authoring a story? I did. Indeed I did.

....Holy Monkey....

The Allengator