June 3rd, 2010

Ice King, Adventure Time

Worse-Case Scenario: Oil Spill

One of my friends challenged me to come up with a "worse case-scenario" as far as this oil spill is concerned. Some people think that the environmental impact or the future of the people living in that geographic area will be the worse case scenario, but that is not the case. True, those things are bad, and my prayers are with them, but that is not "worse-case". Here is my version of "worse-case" for the oil damage.

The oil will continue to spill into the gulf, and will soon be massively changing the surface of the water. Since oil does not mix with water too well, it doesn't just stay there in a giant blob, it spreads. Now the more the oil spreads, the bigger the pattern it makes becomes. Not only are the wildlife on this planet environmentally, but they will also be threatened by outside forces.

For you see, the pattern can be seen out in space, and a race of hyper-sensitive aliens will see this as the go ahead signal to destroy the Earth! The only beings that are aware of this are the anti-alien alien being on this planet that we commonly call "alligators". They do not like aliens, even though they are alien. Once they find out about the Earth being destroyed, they have to "transform" (Michael Bay!), into more anthropomorphic humanized alligator creatures (James Cameron!) so they can discuss the implications of the attack. They way they communicate is to barely wear any type of clothing and make out.

Meanwhile a race of underground vampires also meet and are discussing how to furthur control the mindset of humans and to gain their trust and get more equal rights in the political sector. But while chairman Edward is talking, they see the alligators transform and "discuss" things. They want to join in so now there is a huge group of humping vampire/humanoid alligators.

This is the part where Harry Potter shows up and tries to stop the aliens. He protects the Earth with his magic wand and blocks the blast from the aliens. While blocking it, the massive collective of aliens and vampires below decide to take an Earth representative to talk to the aliens. They decide to send Glenn Beck in order to make them surrender. They give up after 4 seconds and stop the blast.

Relieved Harry Potter lets down his wand, but he forgot that he conjoured a major "blasting spell" to blast the aliens with, and so the spell shoots towards the Earth and blows up the alien transformed alligators, the vampire cult, a monkey, Harry Potter, and, of course, you and everyone you love.

This is the worse-case scenario because not only is the Earth destroyed, but the only representative of the Earth is now the muppet-voiced douchebag Glenn Beck. I'll let that soak in with one more reminder. The only person carrying on the legacy of the Earth is Glenn Beck.

And that, my friends, is the worse case scenario.

On a completely, utterly, and entirely unrelated note, I tried out a new energy supplement today called "Mana Energy Potion" and it worked awesomely! I snapped out of my sleepy daze, went to work refreshed and totally focused, and only screwed up just once today. I'm going to take some with me when I go to nationals this month. I'm pretty sure it didn't screw up my brain at all. No-siree-bob.

The Allengator