May 26th, 2010

Ice King, Adventure Time

Pretending to Reinvent Myself

Sometimes I wonder what will happen if I move to another city. Let's say for sake of argument that I move to a big city. The town I live in is a little urban, but mostly filled with country and farm folk that enjoys bringing trailers of cows to the local supermarket. That kind of town. Now, as I've stated on here several times, I'm far from being a redneck, talking with the vocabulary or enjoying the ocassional round of cow tipping. I am an indoor guy with the only animals I have to deal with are my own family and cats. Right now one of them is hanging out with me. Her name is Tiger.

However, despite being the nerd I am, I do get excited and confused about modern conviences that people might find mundane. I remember the first time I rode a subway and thinking it was the coolest thing since that one ride at that one amusement park. So far that has been my only trip on the subway, but it was nice. My ideal situation would be walking from my house to the subway, then getting off and going to my office. Sure, I would have to deal with peddlers and urine smells, but that sounds classier than getting stuck behind a cow pooping trailer.

There are several other thingd that would make me feel the same way that aren't coming to mind right now, but the main thing that is on my mind is whether I would reinvent myself if I left this area. I've placed a lot of different situations in my head and have tried to come up with some different ideas. Maybe I should be more of an outgoing firecracker. Maybe I should don an accent and pretend some random guy is my cousin. Perhaps I should become more of a country person and be amazed at all this new fangled electronic tomfoolery and bring some of my adoring pets with me. Another one would be me being the small town guy who is amazed at several unamazing things, like the subway. No, wait. That would be me being myself.

The main thing would be that I would be the bubbly main character in a sitcom who constantly gets into trouble for my halcyon view of the world resulting in hilarious misadventures. Of course one stipulation would be having a bestest buddy that would stand there and try to tell me the correct way of doing something instead of my backwards backwoods way of doing it. I can see it now:

Opening shot is of me getting out of a taxicab with no less than five suitcases and a couple of bags strapped to my back. I pay the disgruntled taxicab driver and he asks "Tip?" and I will answer with "Toe. I love your word association game. You kept asking "destination" though. I guess the correct answer wasn't "final" "travel" or "monkey". "Look pal, I won't take a tip if you promise never to get in my cab again." says the driver. "Deal. Nice meeting you! I hope we can talk again soon!" "Not likely" he grunts while driving into the busy traffic.

"Chicago. Chicago Illinois. I'm finally here!!! I am here to make my dream of being a website developer come true!" Then I realize that I have nowhere to go. Not letting that get me down, I go to the nearest apartment complex. After talking to the obviously tightwatted building manager, he says he doesn't have an empty room, but there are always people looking for a roomate, so I need to look on the board over there. I look over at the board and notice quite a few openings. I spot one with the name "Derek Schlemming" on it, so I hightail it to his room.

Meanwhile Derek is having a makeout session with some random girl who will either be his annoying girlfriend or just a random fling. I walk right into his room and yell "Is Derek here? I'm here to ask about your ad!" This causes a misunderstanding between him and his lady friend and she storms out, not before she takes a good look at me with tigress-like eyes. Derek overreacts to my sudden bursting in of his apartment and dislikes me for making his girl go away. I try to explain to him how I was answering his roommate ad and that I could move in right away. He doesn't want to hear about it and kicks me out on to the curb. I am forced to spend the night at a gym.

The next day I freshen myself up and go to the office building for my first day on the job, whilst carrying all my belongings with me. I get sent to a cubicle where, guess who, the girl is working at. She tells me her name is Sarah and that she asked if I had a place to stay. I would say, "Look at all my belongings. Of course I have. Its called, "The World"". Then I would explain how I meant is was an ad for a roommate instead of a personal ad and that where I come from it wasn't customary to knock on doors in a building. She agrees to go back to Derek, but first she offers to room me. I tell her I can't because where I come from that means that she is with child. She calls my mannerisms cute and calls Derek.

Long story short, I somehow blow it with Derek and Sarah again, but once I explain everything in some sort of 80's "lesson for this episode" manner, they make up and Derek offers me a place to stay, but just for the night. It turns into more than a night and we help each other out with day to day situations. Our exploits become well known and we become bazillionaires.

Or maybe not.

Perhaps I will just be myself, keep to myself, and just move to a slightly bigger city and just live my life as I always have. I would love a buddy, but I have a feeling that the only person who would enjoy my company like that is Tiger, and she only likes me the most during the cold months. There isn't a real reason I want or need to reinvent myself, its just fun to think about from time to time.

But subways still perplex and amaze me.

The Allengator