May 17th, 2010

Ice King, Adventure Time

Facebook Friend Faux-Pas

One thing that really irritates me are social networking sites. This, I'm sure, is nothing new to you long time readers. I finally have a newfound near hatred of Facebook that I can't stand, which is workplace people. Now if I worked at a cool place, like Thinkgeek or some place where I actually shared interests with people, this wouldn't be such a burden. But no, I work for superhappyfunplace multinational conglomerate mart, where rednecks can find the mullet of their dreams. With me living in the backwoods of Missouri, with some incest going around, I have very little common with the folk down here. I don't smoke, chew, drink ANYTHING alchoholic, hunt, own a truck, own a pair of overalls, and enjoy getting dirty. So you can kind of see me in a Green Acres sort of way. Sometimes, I think I am offering a public service living here, tryign to teach people that there are magical machines called "computers" that will let you get on the "Internets". I digress.

But not really. The people that live in this area are also the ones who work at the aforementioned store. Now, I'm not saying everyone that works there is a tobacco spitting hick. That would be stereotyping the whole store, and (especially with me there) it isn't the truth. I have made some friends there who I like talking with and have genuine interests with. However, that accounts for roughly 7% of the people that work there. The rest I have nothing in common with. Guess which group friends me the most on Facebook?

My irritation ESPECIALLY comes when authority figures add me as a friend on there. For the most part, I don't care for the management and I know for a fact the feeling is mutual. I want to have a social life where I can say things like "I hope a meteor hits the store before I return on Wednesday" without getting the second degree. I have to censor myself on there just to ensure that my job isn't in jeopardy. Since I am stuck with this lamefest for at least one more month, I can't say much about it. I have this addiction to anime that needs to be scratched (although I'm recovering some because I haven't ordered anything for a couple of months).

Mr. Manager requests that you add them as a friend. I want to say no SO bad, but some people are emo when it comes to this stuff, so I can never say no. Heck, I constantly say I'm going to delete people from my lists but I rarely do it. Either I need to put my foot down or just leave facebook entirely. The later is not possible because for some people it is the only way they can keep ahold of me. Drat! Anyways, going back to Mr. Manager. I don't want to add you because you don't respect me as a worker or a person. I really don't.

One band-aid for this increasing problem are "group filters". I have two set up. I have one for "workplace people" that blocks these blog posts and my personal contact info. I have another group called "managers" that I block everything from except links to my favorite XKCD comics. I still am doubtful that these filters actually work. But this post is being posted on Facebook so I have relative confidence that I won't get in trouble for it. There are the very few I actually feel comfortable seeing this stuff so they don't get blocked from it, but I have to have an establishment of trust before I do that and very few people actually have that.

I'm going to be doing the dance of joy when I leave that crummy job.

Continuing on with the subject of adding friends, I have no problem adding friends from my high school, or other parts of my past, but some of them violate things that put them on a blocked list as well, and yes, I have a group called "blocked" that I really need to exterminate the people off of. For example, I know people love this activity called "intercourse", but I don't need the details of you and your boyfriend's night out...every night...Then there are the people where all they do is complain about how depressed they are. Read my lips. Get. A. Life (says the guy who has nothing better to do than to blog right now). If your life is so freakin' miserable, then make something happen. Then there are the grammar violaters and annoyers. There are the twexters who have no idea that U != you or girlz != girls. Then there are the people who HAVE to end every status update with an elipse. "Guess I gotta go to work today..." "Getting off at 5 today then going to see a movie..." "I got a promotion today..." "A monkey is on my keyboard...".

Then there are the people who I work with that only want to talk about work. When I clock out for the day, I the last thing I want to do is acknowledge the place of torture that I go to. But no, people pop up on chat and are all "Man work sux, u kno?" And ALL they do is rant and rant and rant about how their day sucked and how we need new managers and how the rules are stupid and how the customers violate them. These people have their own little slice in "blocked" territory.

Party animals, pictures of people puking bear or gawking at a boob cake. I can't stand those. Again, those get promptly blocked.

Then the coup de gras. The worst people on Facebook. The people I want to bludgeon over the head with a cement brick. The appers. You know who they are. They are only on to play their apps, man. They want you to adopt their garbage baby, or to live next door to their fraternity card game. They want you to join groups to help "raise" their "stats" or "cred". They aren't legitimate groups either. They are the ones that say "HACK INTO YOUR FARM AND GET 1500 EXTRA GOLD PIECES EVERY 9 MINUTES WITH A FREE LAKE". A few days later they are either forced to delete their Facebook account or are spamming me with viagra mail. Then there are the ones who beg people to help them in their status updates. Seriously, every app has a wall or discussion board. USE THAT TO GET HELP. Or a psychiatrist, which I highly reccomend. There are also the people who add people from around the world and have 1000+ friends of people they mostly never will talk to again in their lives. Seriously, if you have more than 300 friends and you're not some kind of celebrity, you are doing something wrong.

All of this stems from one problem. People constantly use the Internet to validate their otherwise mundane lives. Social networks are meant to be tools, not places to harass people. I love the face that I can keep in touch with my college friends. I like how the site makes it easier to stalk the people that I am curious about. But I am not a fan of people trying to be cool or prove they exist from shallow means. It isn't worth it.

This rant is over. I really needed to get that off my chest. Please, be smart about social networking. Then again, only the good people will be able to see this and not the ones that need it told to them worse because of my block filters. But please, don't forward this to other people. I still need my anime money.

The Allengator