December 12th, 2009

Ice King, Adventure Time

Acceptance and Love

I'm pretty calm tonight. So tonight's entry won't be really all that humorous or interesting, but I've had a wealth of thoughts the past 24 hours and I've made some realizations.

One is that I have times where I am weak. Too weak. I know I'm not superman or that I am built like someone who goes to the gym regularly. Heck, I am pretty overweight and unfit to tell the truth. I have no problem with that though. Sometimes, though, no matter how hard you try, you will always find that one thing that will overwhelm you, or get the best of you. It's humbling, really. Here I am, built like a gorilla, can take care of heavy objects with relative ease, but can't push myself to keep up with the demands of a job. I'm not saying I need to change or anything. I just wish people would accept that and move on.

Acceptance is something I think all people fundamentally want. People look for others like them or hope they can find someone who can tolerate them. Sometimes people do find groups of people at conventions or meetups. Sometimes you find that special someone from a singles website. Maybe you found a long lost relative who can relate to your physical condition. Sometimes people find acceptance from a higher authority. Its something we all crave, but sometimes, you just can't find it no matter how hard you search.

There are people who I know accept me for who I am and what I can do. Some people I hang out with, some are acquiantances, and some I care deeply for on a romantic level. I hung out with such a special person last night, and she caused me to forget my worries and to enjoy the moment with her. She accepts me and loves me for me. I know she keeps telling me I'm wrong when I say this, but I don't deserve a special person like her. I'm far from perfect, and yeah, I do despise people and idiots. I probably misjudge people. I've been far too rude to people. Yet, she says its the other way around. I don't get her, but last night made me realize how much people mean in my life.

Isn't that the truth. We never fully appreciate anything until we either lose it or are distressed somehow. People forget God until they want something. You may forget someone, and not notice them right in front of your face. Everyone gets like that. I just know I am blessed to have so many people in my life who sincerely cares about my wellbeing.

Some days I just really want to be hugged and held so bad. I am not ashamed to admit it. I know I am more mentally stable than some guys, but I know that I need support from time to time. I'm not superman. I'm not famous. I can't always be a solid rock. I'm really no one special. I know you're thinking "but you're special to me", and I thank that, but what I mean is that I will probably never amount to much. I'm happy being an average joe, more or less. I don't desire fame, though I would like to be remembered.

Usually when something upsets me, I watch anime, or something humorous or distracting. I may do this until I physically cannot keep my eyes open any longer. Last night I discovered that I need more than this to keep me feeling happy. I need acceptance. I need love. This is something I thought I had lost or forgotten. I am not saying I'm in love per se, but I now know that I need it, and that I can't let my life waste away without including it. It may still take me some time, but I am starting to figure out how to get this thing called love again. It feels familliar and warm...and...its all because of...


The Allengator