Sometimes I think I would make an excellent ninja. Evidently I have learned the secret or invisibility since it doesn't seem to matter whether I write these things or update my status on Facebook, or am around somewhere. Who knows, maybe one day I may post something truly remarkable or philosophical, and it would get as much attention as that leaf you just stepped on.
Then there's real life, where I get most of my validation. I recently came to the conclusion that to most people, how I feel is inconsequential as long as they get their way. I could be as happy as a lark or as depressed as an emo kid, and it wouldn't matter. The homework had to be turned in, someone has to do the cruddy jobs at work, and I just happen to be there and no one seems to bother me.
In a way its nice that no one ever asks me "what's wrong? Cheer up!" all the time, because in all honesty, they aren't the ones upset, so why should they care? Its nice that people look out for themselves. Its very selfless. I'm just being too selfish when I ask what's going on and I'm too full of myself that I try to sympathize with the situation. I was wrong, evidently. The best way to approach a problem is to leave it alone. It'll go away one way or another. True, it'll always come back, but who wants to do maintenance on someone's emotions? That would be too much effort.
Now, I'm not posting this to get back at anyone or to say I feel this way. I'm just making a commentary on our sociality as a group of people.
Do you know that people who say "life is too short to be anything but happy" kind of miss the point? If you're delusionally happy all the time, then that isn't life. Just pretending that everything is hunky dory just doesn't cut it. That is not life. Now, that's not to say that someone shouldn't try to be as happy as they can as often as they can, but happy 24/7 gets old really quick. Just blanketing life into a generalized statement of rose colored exposition doesn't make everything better. I know Jesus wasn't happy all the time. Did he make friends with everyone? Did he teach that you should just ignore the problems of the day? No. He caused controversy, he had mobs and opponents around every corner, and he even took action against those who were really sinning. That isn't someone who said "be giddy all the time". Now, does this mean we shouldn't try? No. However, it doesn't grant us permission to be ignorant of the problems of the day either. We should be thankful for every day we a given a chance to be on God's creation, but that doesn't mean we get to be complacent.
This whole thing may not make sense to you, but I know there are some of my friends and family out there who are hurting right now, whether its because of the body or the spirit. Heck, I'm not feeling too hot myself in the spirit department right now. That's not to say I'm just sitting here wanting attention, but something just feels wrong. Something feels very wrong. I can't put a finger on it, but something is just....not right.
In closing, I need a caring girlfriend. If they are a dime a dozen then I'll spend a nickel on six. I think I just need some affection in my life. Maybe that is what I am missing.
Anyways, that's all I have for you. Please, talk to me if you want. That's what friends do, and I feel like that who I can consider a friend seems to be seems to be decreasing right now.
I just want.....