July 1st, 2009

Ice King, Adventure Time

Top Ten Things I Hate About Summer, And So On

Loretta's post about why she hates the summer rings true, but totally has the wrong top ten things on it. Now I don't think the summer is the worst season, but it has its fair share of problems. So here it my top ten, and no, there will be no David Letterman jokes this time. That man KILLED top ten lists...

10) Kids out of school; This is more of a gripe at work than anything. Then again, I saw the neighbors running around MY back yard. I wish I could get them in the slammer for trespassing. Yeah, they may be 9 or 10, but where are their freaking parents? Anyways, I'm not good with kids, and summer just reminds me that I have to be responsible while they have 2+ months of free time. Lucky bugs.

9) Increase of bugs/fleas. This is a problem with my cats more than anything. They are a breeding ground for all sorts of terrible things, and since I am a...er....hairy guy, they jump on me too. Annoying. Also, the cicadas are ultra annoying. I have my windows down, but I can still hear them mocking me. Its like they chirp at a frequency that can bypass solid glass or something. Then theres crickets, and there will always be one that makes in in or under the house and just be loud all night. Also wasps and bees are worse, but I can almost tolerate them.

8) Produce rotting. My parents tend a garden out back, and the main product is tomatoes. Well, when harvesting is over, and there are a few bug-laden, groundhog eaten, cat trampled tomatoes left, they start to smell really REALLY bad. Seriously, the stink is about as bad as baking it in the oven and letting it sit there for about a week. then there is a trash compactor at work. With a produce section, there are some days you just are afraid to breathe in the back. It stinks all over.

7) Car heat. I am at the point where I leave my car windows down a crack to let air out. I even had free-on put in my car fresh. My problem is that it never feels cool in there. Leather sticks to your skin like tape, your backside isn't getting and breathing room, and sodas don't last but about 7 minutes cold in a car. Buying groceries a town away can become a hazardous job if you aren't speedy enough.

6) Brown outs due to everyone using air conditioners. Tell me this hasn't happened to you sometime within the past few years. Just tell me that. We get them about 3 or 4 times a summer. Electricity blanks out, traffic lights go crazy, buildings build up heat, car systems go out. It will happen more often than not during the summer.

5) No exceptionally good tv shows are on. I have yet to watch Camelot, but c'mon America. So You Think You Can Dance, America's Got Talent, Big Brother, and Wipeout are hardly considered "good" entertainment. I'd rather see a repeat of another show that that junk.

4) Sleeping at night can be tough. Too warm for a blanket. Not much else to add to this one.

3) Fireworks. Ugh. The one thing I hate about the Fourth of July. I ranted on it last year so you can just read that.

2) Tractor Pulls. We have a rodeo every independence day weekend. Its a proud tradition in our community. I would rather go to SGC than listen to a bunch of people hootin and hollering because a tractor pulled whatever it is. Tractors burn, engines get ruined, there is smoke everywhere, and the noise is louder than an Alice Cooper Concert in a canyon. Then theres the people, in sleeveless shirts, "hiyuck"ing it up for some reason. Its a redneck convention that completely baffles me. What's the point? Maybe if I were a farmer I would understand, but I am not. I am sure they are just as baffled about Smash Bros Tournaments as I am about pulls. It just seems pointless.

1) Being unable to eat or drink certain things. Piping hot coffee just isn't apt sometimes. I LOVE potato soup, but how many people eat SOUP during the summer. Even a hot meal just makes you feel sick in the end because of the heat. And honestly, how many cold things taste better than warm things. Not many, for me at least, and sandwiches/salad gets old after a while. Some will even make me sick for the day. I tried to have a grilled cheese sandwich...bad idea. Ramen noodles just make you queesy. I am also relagated to drinking Gatorade or Powerade. Not that I don't like them, but when they replace Vault or cold coffee, it makes me sad :'(.

Well, those are my least favorite things about the summer. I know I didn't put obvious ones like "B.O." or "Blisters", but I have to deal with that year round. These also bother me more. Anyways, quit these, people.

I say this as I hear them setting up the rodeo...

The Allengator