June 6th, 2009

Ice King, Adventure Time

I Think Tracfone Hates Everyone

Yes, you heard me. I must rant about Tracfone, but not about the service, so those of you who work/know someone who works there put down the pitchforks, unless they work in advertising. I blame them for some of the mental decay that happens where I work.

First problem, the commercials lie. I do not believe that a woman playing a violin in New York can give crystal clear violin concert to her ailing toothless mother in Russia. It just doesn't happen like that. You get crosstalk, dead air, amongst other things, so no, I don't believe you.

Second, and this will be the main portion of my rant, the music sucks. Ok, there is one commercial where some choir goes "lalalalaaaaaaaaa lalalaLAlaaaaaaaaaaa". Annoying. I hoped it would just be for one commercial, with a family taking a picnic, but no. This chant of hellish origin must be working because they used it in a graduate commercial, so nuts, I get to hear it for at least another month. Yay.

Then there is the one with the afforementioned violin player. Seriously, her playing sucks, or at least her music choices do. She may have been pitch perfect for all I know, but with the screeching, high notes that I can hear, and sounds that would make a howling wolf in heat sound like Beethoven, it annoys me, especially when I have to hear it every 5-9 minutes.

Then there is the end to all of your commercials. You know, theo ne that sounds like some sort of sad-western song that sounds incomplete. It sounded OK at first, at best, but on every single freakin' commercial? Look, McDonalds has the annoying "Duh duh duh duh duuuuh, I'm Lovin It" jingle but what makes that garbled mess tolerable is that they switch it up from time to time, hip hop one commercial, soul or rap the next. It works. All you have is some whistling champion from Chatanooga doing some sad, pathetic excuse of an attempt of music at best. Just change it up or drop it, my ears beg of you.

Though as I am saying this, those are borderline annoyance as much as the Vonage ones are. Du du, du doot do....ugh. Maybe I should change the title of this entry to "I Think All Phone Companies Hate Everyone", but just maybe.

Thirdly, and lastly, your commercials really aren't all that funny. Sure, the Jimmyfone one was cute and kind of humorous, but the girls stereotypically gossiping, the overly happy family going on a picnic, the violin player, the graduates, the dog owner one are all a little unispired. Why can't you do one that shows how Tracfone is used in an emergency situation, or perhaps do a funny one where someone mentions a contract or something. Try to entertain me, even if its just for one fleeting moment for one time.

So that is my open letter to Tracfone's commercials. C'mon, I can't be the only one who is hot and bothered by them. Right?


The Allengator