January 29th, 2009


The Commonplace Melancholy of the Everyday Blogger

Sometimes, I wonder if its worth it to keep this thing. I mean sure, I am a permanent member of the site, but the fact that I've had less than 500 hits in 3 months, plus only about 2 or 3 comments, maybe 5 or 6 if you count the ones not posted on here/told to me personally. I know most really don't care about 95% of what I post on here, and honestly, I don't care about 20% of it myself.

Its also getting hard to blog about certain things. I know I use this as a sounding board (read: complaint board) sometimes, but it is getting harder and harder for me to say things about work, for instance, because more people from work add me as friends, which I totally love, but complaining about work gets more and more awkward as time goes on. The same thing goes for school, personal life (which I keep off of here, especially any identities to protect the innocent), and even stuff I am passionate about (TV shows, computing, etc.).

The fact is that since no one really reads much or says much about it really doesn't give me any reason to post. I don't get paid for this. I don't get praised or spark conversation. Life goes on with or without this piece of junk floating around on the Internet. Now, I am not saying I want praise, but I want some kind of dialoging, something to let me know that what I am doing on here means something, other than just have it sitting idly by, unnoticed. That has really been the reason for me not mentioning much on here. I have htings to talk about, but, in all honesty, no one really seems to give two hoo haws about it other than me.

Mostly, just talking to people lately has just really depressed me. We're born, we live, we die. History forgets us eventually. The power of existentialism seems minor to the power of recognition. That has been pounded into my head the past few weeks, and no matter what I do to convince myself that someone out there thinks differently, that there is some sort of hope of meaning, someone will come along, make a few offhanded remarks, and shoot me down again. Maybe they don't mean it, but that is what happens.

Anyways, just explaining the absentness of myself on here. Maybe this is just a case of the January blahs or some mild form of cabin fever from being inside due to the weather, and I'm not saying I'm taking this down or anything like that, but until I feel like blogging, or until someone talks to me about it, you're not going to see much of anything new on here. I hope you're happy. Yeah, that was meant to be a little snarkish. Sorry, I'm just in one of those moods. See you whenever.

The Allengator