July 14th, 2007

Ice King, Adventure Time

Letter to Drivers Everywhere, Part Deux

Dear Nightime Drivers,

Every night I am dumbfounded by the horrendous driving of some of the people in Marshtown. Seriously. I am a law-abiding citizen. I go the posted speed limit, no more, no less.

Almost 3 out of the 5 nights, there will be someone who tailgates me. I mean horribly. What if I have to stop for a bicycle rider, or what if I see some drunkard stumbling in the middle of the road? Guess what? I'm going to brake. If you plow into my car, you only have yourself to blame.

What really prompted tonight's letter is that I was going 15 miles UNDER the speed limit, thanks to someone in a champaigne-colored SUV. That's right, if you drive a champaigne-colored SUV and you were driving on the spur around 10:15 pm Saturday night, July 14th, 2007, then PLEASE STOP IMPEDING TRAFFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean 5 miles under I tolerate, sometimes respect. 10 miles under, I get annoyed, but I let bygones be bygones. 15 miles under on a one lane road with nowhere to legally pass you, causing said drivers described in the previous paragraph to do what they do, is really just uncalled for, especially when the speed is posted 3 times, clearly seen. Please, do the rest of us a favor and start riding bicycles.

I just wish the rearview mirror had never been invented, because tailgaters make me nervous. One car length per 10 miles an hour! I follow that. I try not to be one of those people. When I can make out your facial features AND can see your car engine through your grill, back off. If you can see the time of day on my car radio, back off. If I can tell your white hair is slowly but surely balding on the backside of your head, GP THE SPEED LIMIT!

I've had my peace.

Getting tired of being respectfully,

The Allengator