Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Open Diary Archive (JazzyTrombone's Diar-er, Journal) 2002 - Part 3

A curvey corruption - 9/3/2002


I'm sure many of your lives are way better than mine is, so quit bragging. Sometimes I think some mistakes can nake or break a person. For example, I recently feel like I made a mistake not telling someone something, and I put it off too long. Maybe if I didn't, I would be feeling a lot better right now. Some other mistakes is stuff I hear in school everyday, but I don't feel like getting into that. But you get the point. Those who tarry for too long will be forever lost. It happens to me all the time. Guess that what makes me a loner. People are always on the go nowdays and dont have time for me. Maybe if people slowed down, theyd understand me. Maybe if they came up to me, theyd understand me. But you know what, life is always full of maybes, hopes, dreams. But that stuff is for dreamers. They never come true, because i know it never has for me. Dreams make you believe something impossible will come to pass. When they dont happen, it hurts you worse than any form of physical harm. It not only makes you feel bad, but also demoralized, and you dont see your life the same way again. So being demoralized, sad, mad, and depressed has made me felt like dirt that has been stomped beyond all recognition, all because of a dream that i thought could come true, but didnt. All because of that. All because of dreams. You might disagree with me, but thats how i view it. Dreams never have worked for me, and i now realize it never will. now i have to find a new way to carry on my mortal life. If that means shutting out my emotions again, so be it. i survived without it once, i can do it again. So take it from me, dont dream, actually do it. if you dont, well, i wish you the best of luck. i guess that leaves me saying goodbye new life. hello old life. i might lose my friends, my reputation, but it will be better than liiving like this.

dreams need to die


Just a random drop by :) ~Buh Bye~ [ShloshkyJenn] 9/3/2002 10:38:30 PM
no dreams dont need to die . dreams are a great thing to have. goals, it helps keep our lives in check. believe me . if i didnt have my dreams and asperations where would i be today. deffinatly not in college meeting some of the most awsome people ever. remember that al, dreams are very important. [blueskysforever] 9/4/2002 1:40:16 AM
I agree with Ginger, honey, listen, those who don't have dreams, don't have much. If you don't dream then you are never going to have any goals. I know you now, and I don't think you're like that any more. But this is a really neat way to learn about the emotional side of you, that I don't know. I hope to learn more. [fairerin21] 3/24/2004 3:39:31 PM

The special spot - 9/10/2002

Well, listening to Hallelujah (the one from Shrek) and Mr. Lonely describes the feelings mixing inside of me right now.

Hardly anything has happened since the last time I recorded my life in this e-soap, and I forsee it continuing for a long time. Most people has a person who listens to them...someone they can relate to. They talk about issues they have, and other aspects of their life. I mean, someone respects their feelings, opinions, and thoughts, and they feel comfortable confiding their stories to someone, or some group. As for me......well, I kinda used to have someone who did that, but I hardley talk to her anymore and I don't feel like bearing my problems on her new hectic college life. I dont want to be in anyones way. Well, without that one person, I have felt alone recently. Now, I know I have friends, and we talk about stuff, like homework, guitars (what little knowledge i know of it anyway), music, that sort of thing. They never want to talk about...well, feelings. So far I havent found a single person to help me in this regard. THat may be one reason I want a girlfriend. I want some companion that I can talk about stuff to, not just tv or music. I would listen to her and i hope she would listen to me. I mean anyone will do. I hope that wanting something like this isnt making me a selfish person, because a guilty conscious is the last thing i want on my burden. I know a girlfriend would be great, but someone who listens and talks with me will be just fine.

The grass isnt always greener on the other side, and tommarrow isnt a new day, its just a painful reminder and repeat of yesterday, day by day.



A soliloquy - 9/12/2002

Well, I am still confused about life and stuff in general (except for precalculus...dont ask) and i feel like a man on a journey through life, all alone, thirsting for companionship. But hey, its my fault, not anyone elses. I kinda blame myself for my shortcomings and I vow to myself to improve my life to the best of my ability, starting with my personal feelings. I wont hide from fear of rejection anymore, no matter what happens or the rejections that are sure to come. I will face my fears (well, maybe except my hydrophobia.....bad pictures -_-*) and I will conquer them. I will try not to listen to the voices of doubt in my mind, and if i hear them, i will just ignore them. I will also sharpen my mind, which controls my feelings. I will face every challenge and i will try my best to overcome the obsticles. I also will try my best to rid myself of my negativeness, because my mind and body will function as one from here on. If I ever fall short or forget about one of the laws in this code, I hope I will have friends to help me and to count on. I will try my best to follow this and if things go completely wrong........there will hardly be anywhere else to turn but my old state and i hope i will never see it again. Please wish me luck.



Just some situations - 9/18/2002

Ok, I have some hypothetical situations and I want you to think about what you would do.

1) You know someone who seems depressed, and he or she will not snap out of it. What would you do?

2) You care for some animal you thought was a stray (like a dog or cat) and you start caring for it, by feeding it and giving it water, then someone comes up and tells you that it is their cat and you are not allowed to feed it anymore, and you are pretty sure he doesnt feed it regularly, because he makes it hunt birds. What would you do?

3) Someone you know is falling for a girl, it fails, then he goes for another one, then another one, then another. Soon he is on his hundreth try, and youre starting to wonder if he will ever find someone, and you find out that a girl likes him. Do you tell him, even though the girl irritates him forever and a day?

4) Your buddies have never brought up the subject of politics before, and you find out they are pretty much all for one party, but you are secretly for the other party. Would you lie about your preferrences?

5) As a follow-up to that question, you tell them the truth, or you tell them you are undecided, and they start avoiding you like you have some invisible disease, would you try to patch things up with them or find new friends?

6) You have a lot of friends on the internet, and there is one particular one you like to talk to every chance you get. The messaging system you are on allows you to block anyone anytime. You know for a fact that your friend has blocked you for a week. You give them the benefit of the doubt. However, you find out they do it again a couple weeks later, and you catch them and ask them why they do it. They give you an answer, which is they had too many people to talk to, apologize, and claim they was just going to unblock you. Should you question that friendship more, or just forgive and forget?

7) Your a leader of a group and you are expected to help out the group when it doesn't perform up-to-scale. Your group has not been doing well, and you call for a couple of early meetings. Despite your efforts, your group still isnt doing good. What would you do?

8) This is a follow up question to the previous one. What would you do if there were not many people showing up?

I have to face these type of questions every day. Sometimes I feel like that I cant make a choice and other times I make a choice and wait for an outcome. Now, I realize that not all of these questions apply to me, but the ones that do, I have to figure out a solution. This just gives you a brief insight to a day in the life of me. I'm gonna start asking at least one question like this per week, and you can think about it and try to figure out, what would you do.



Trombonism - 9/26/2002


Situation of the week: What would you rather have, a totally liberal teacher or a huge unliberal teacher?

Well, I am not going to talk about me and my girl problems this week. This time I am just going to discuss the current problems in the trombone section in school. First, it really is anyones fault. 4 really good seniors graduated (well, compared to the freshman) and now 2/3 of the section (6 people) are unexperianced freshman who have no idea how to play an a instead of an a flat. 3 people (none of em are freshman...sorry), including me, knows how to play out, march properly (well, as much as i can), and how to do the two at the same time. another problem is that they have no commitment whatsoever. Im in charge of doing sectional work this year for playing and the only people who show up are me, the two seniors, and ONE freshman. Im calling the blasted sectionals for the freshman, i tell them plenty of time in advance (i mean sometimes over a week, sheesh!), remind them several days in a row before the sectional date and all i get is 1 freshman. and this has happened twice. the first one was better because two freshman showed up. so i have given up hope for the section already. the last aspect that really irks me is the fact that there is lack of participation in the section. i mean jazz band is an audition group. one freshman signed up, as well as me, and one cant come because of volleyball and the other part doesnt have a person in it yet............sad. pep band only has 2 trombones in it compared to the 5 we had last year. pit orchastra only has 2 trombones interested, including me, out of three parts......yup, the section has fallen apart. so at my wits end, ive just decided to let them do what they want. all i know is i tried my best to keep the section together, but they refuse to go along with it, so the trombone section sounds bad, but hey, its not my fault. im giving 110% devotion to it.........because i promised several people i would, and i NEVER break a promise.

bye all


[The Pace Of Life] 9/26/2002 10:42:09 PM
thanks for keeping your promise al, your great
[blueskysforever] 10/3/2002 1:24:17 AM
hey, I just ran across your diary, and let me tell you- I hear ya bout the ppl in band and jazz who dont pull their weight. Its sooo damn annoying when people choose to bring the quality of something YOU work hard on, just because they don't care.(I go to the HighSchool for Performing&VisualArts in Houston,TX)Yea, anyway-I just wanted to drop by and say that we have a lot in common! heh..aight bye [JazzyJess] 10/20/2002 11:57:01 PM

I can't believe I'm smiling - 10/1/2002

Situation of the week: If you know two people that just broken up, would you try to find out why, because they are upsetting everyone?

Hello world

Yes, I am feeling the best i have felt in over a month. I am feeling this because i just had one of the best weekends in a loooooooooong time. Im so glad you asked yourself what happened because i will tell you. usually i end up doing nothing much during the weekends, but the past weekend was great because a dear friend of mine and i went to go see a movie, and we also went to the mall. what made this so great? well, first of all it gave me something fun to do and secondly it was with a girl. ok, it probably ment nothing, but we went to help her find a present, and i was taken to all the female-oriented stores in the mall, ones that consist of makeup, earrings and other delightful trinkets. usually i try to avoid these places, but for some odd reason i didnt.....i dont know why. I guess i just enjoyed her company. yeah i was happy that i was with her, again i dont know why. ok, the movie was great (minority report) so that was good too. after that day, ive been thinking of the good time i had with her, and im still daydreaming about it.......again, i dont know why. all i know is that im happy and i had fun with a girl, which has never really happened to me in a really really long time. ok, im repeating stuff, so i'll leave it this week with a high note. hopefully thisll last for a really long time.

have a :) day



trying to remember - 10/9/2002

situation of the week: sometimes you find yourself sitting and doing something alone like a puzzle or watch tv. should you change and do more interesting things, or stick to a schedule that you are used to?


ok, i am bored and i decided to do my weekly update on here. lifes the same. i have to memorize a ton of stuff for spanish, chemistry, and american history. its a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the future.

.........well, thats it. see ya later and hopefully i'll talk more.

driven by determination


hear ye here ye - 10/27/2002

Situation of the week: What would you do if you knew someone at your school was underage and was smoking?

Well, its been quite a while since i have last updated this book of digital parchment. Not much has happened lately, but that doesnt mean my life aint interestin.

Last night i went to our annual band party. We had a hay ride (we payed a guy a few dollers to scare the girls in the ride in front of us) then we roasted some hot dogs and marshmallows over an open fire (the same guy just threw his food in the fire and picked it up right before it became charcoal) then we spent about an hour and a half playing capture the flag (same guy gave up a fight and didnt want to be caught even after the game was over -_-*) It was fun and there was lots of candy left over ( i cant say anything else about that guy because he was driving off so he wouldnt get caught.....sad....)

I took the PSAT last saturday and it was a test....kinda like the ACT but it had some fill in the diamonds there.....

Well, one last thing thats been going on lately is the fact that i am not as desperate for a girlfriend anymore, i just dont care (NO i am NOT gay) there are just no girls in my location right now that are particularly appealing to me (or vice versa) and all i can say is that they are missing out on a great person and that its their fault that they dont want to be with me. this aint a pity party, its just the way it is, nothing more, nothing less. i bid my lovelife goodbye as i concentrate on more important things like music.

well, i am going to be busy. hopefully i will be able to update sometime within the week. untill then, well, you can fill in this blank.

love peace and harmony out



Little to say about much - 11/20/2002


Well, it has been quite a while since i have last updated this thing. A lot has been going on. The football season ended recently so i have no more marching band for a while. Last week we just had the musical "L'il Abner" at our school and i was in the pit orchastra. It was fun and i got to play my trombone around 3 hours every night.

A couple of weeks ago we had district band auditions. I was dissapointed this year because i didnt make the honor band, but i did get first chair concert band so im still eligable for state auditions (close call!). I also made the district jazz band and im eligable for state auditions on that too so now i have 2 sets of music to master in about 2 and a half weeks. so ive been busy.

We had an academic competition last night and we did well for our first game this year and with a new sponser. i thought we would get asked back tomarrow, but i guess we didnt. oh well, i have a couple quizes and a test friday anyway.

My social life is on a standstill right now. Ive met a girl from out of town and we are really hitting it off. I dont think anything will happen because we do live a little far away from each other. Were just going to stay close, we decided that together. Besides that, ive not done anything about my lonly situation yet, and i dont think anything will happen, but hey, i never know. i wish something would happen. the year is almost gone and im running out of time. if you dont know what i mean.....well....dont worry about it.

Well, hopefully i have more time now so keep it tubular and groovy.



Whats new with da bone? - 12/28/2002

Well its been a looooooooong month. Ive had pit rehersal in the musical, district jazz rehersal, district band, state band auditions, working on my trombone solo, chair placement test, PSAT, final esting, 5 chapters of American History in 2 and a half weeks, 1000 word story for english, 4 projects for Am. history, pep band games, combo tryouts, combo practice, and a little nappie. so i havent been updating this as often as i normally had. hopefully it shouldnt be as busy for a while. Now I am working on something special and hopefully itll work out ok. well, not much is going on, besides the increasing snow count. well, im leaving. dont forget, the worst day of the year is only 48 days away. what do i mean. i might just explain it later.....maybe....

if i dont update before, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!


wow, and i thought i was in a lot of band. not nearly. that's so kewl that you're into so much on your trombone. i play the trombone as well - and jazz band is so great. yup yup. well good luck on all of those tryouts and your trombone solo! although it sounds like you're a pro already. :D later.
-Jenn [rawk my world;*] 12/28/2002 10:50:32 PM
Valentine's day??? Is that the 48 day thing?
[fairerin21] 3/24/2004 10:52:03 PM
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