Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Open Diary Archive (JazzyTrombone's Diar-er, Journal) 2002 - Part 2

up till now - 5/8/2002

ok. I am done with my MAP testing (its a missouri test) and hopefully i will be taking my ACT soon. Sunday i had a concert which was ok, except for the heart-filled ending with the seniors. several of them had tears, as did their parents. did i cry?.......well, not exactly. dont get me wrong, because a lot of my friends are seniors. in fact, i havent cried for quite a while. i usually let my sadness out in other ways. i cry, but not often.

last saturday i had a jazz concert, which was a lot of fun.

this sunday i am going to my sisters graduation. the sunday after i go to baccalauriette (i butchered the name, i know) then i have graduation. busy busy busy.

finals are also coming up. so i will not have as much homework again.

what else has happened? well, thats for me to know and for you to read about.


A note to everyone out there that reads this - 5/23/2002

ok, i am going to change my name in a few days because, quite frankly, i am sick of it. i am no longer an emperor, so i might just change my name to another trombone name. watch for it.


Everyones leavin me - 5/23/2002

well, graduation is in a couple of days and i am really gonna miss the seniors. I mean a LOT. They are a bunch of great kids that are just totally cool. This entry is dedicated to the class of 2002. I salute you.

ok, thats not all folks. one of my childhood rivals is leaving this year too. basically he is a big jerk who is constantly on my nerves and is obsessed with the topic of gay people. i wont miss him. he is leaving to a school for smart people. i know that the last day i will jump for joy. for him, i give him the finger (j/k)

So to everyone that is leaving me, good luck. i hope to see you later on in life. call me for a reunion =D

Ill be ok....i think

Are you talking about Alex Fraizer? Just wonderin... [Neo gal] 12/28/2004 5:01:28 PM

Vroom Vroom!!! - 5/31/2002


I got my drivers licence today and i am very excited. i felt a lot of pressure because i had to pass it this week or else i would have to go through the whole permit process again. this was my first time, so i was kinda nervous. finally i passed, and boy was i glad. now i get to drive around by myself. freedom is great. now if i can only park my car...=D

congradulations [Dago] 5/31/2002 12:11:38 AM

hmm...a common paradox.... - 5/31/2002

well, my school year has just ended and summer is here. usually i dont do anything. this summer i am going to miss a lot of my friends. one girl i know i am especially going to miss because she is a good friend. i asked her for an instant message name and she gave it to me....along with her name and phone number. well, anyways, many people are asking me if we are going out...i say no. i really like her, but something is missing....boy im confused. one friend in particular is always tring to "hook us up" he knows i like her and she likes me. i cant handle this. a similar situation just like this has happened before in my life. ever since that incident, i have been very careful about relationships. this is why i am so reluctant to talk with her about it. if i find that missing link, then i'll talk to her. im pretty sure i know what it is. usually i dont talk about serious stuff with her. maybe if we did that, id feel more confortable. right now i am just going to figure this out and put in that last bit. wish me luck. i bet we will just be friends forever. i think it is better to have a friend, than someone you can have a relatikonship with, go out for a couple of months, break up and never talk again. i dont think i am the kind of person that can handle it. well, i am going to work at this problem for a while. i just hope it doesnt end up like it did last time...


maybe a little too much... - 6/5/2002


ok, i am updating this, yeah, thats right, journal. lets see what interesting tid bit i have to add today.

today it rained

there we go. ive updated this peace of online parchment and i am just doodling scribbles now.





ok, im sure ive annoyed you long enough

live long and prosper


oh hey, it rained today too.
ok [i am the walrus] 6/5/2002 11:26:55 PM
Gee, I wish I was jazzy. But alas, I am square. [treacherous] 6/5/2002 11:27:49 PM

Which songs describe me? - 6/14/2002

Hey, Im too busy staying bored, so i have to make this long (ok, it wont be long, but i had to start this entry off with a joke....nevermind)

So, as I am listening to some of my favorite songs, it makes me wonder which one describes me. So here is a list and a short explination for each.

The tears of a clown
I smile only too fool people about my devious plots to take over the world....j/k. Actually I tend to have a "cheerful" look on my face even when i am down in the dumps....say, maybe plastic surgery...j/k.

All Star
Yeah, Smash Mouth. Anyhoo, it kinda describes my outlook on my role in band. heh, i know, little ego trip there.

I'm a believer
Ok, so i dont have a girlfriend. However if i had one, i would describe my life like that.

What a wonderful world
Yeah, i see tress of green and rainbows too. Actually, its a very pretty song. I like it.

Mr. Bojangles
Well, i am not in jail (maybe i should be due to all of this disturbing messages and stuff) but the guy has a good story and he doesnt appear what he is, which is kinda like me (not his attitude, but the situation. I personally think that bojangles was drunk when he said all of that)

one week
ok, i usually dont listen to much barenaked ladies music, but this song feels like its one where you miss someone who you havent seen in a while (ok, week, but its longer for me :D)

devil went down to georgia
ok, i would never make a bet with the devil, but i would challenge anyone who wants to try me. so all of you son-of-a-guns come and try.

ok, thats all for now. keep it cool (lol i crack me up) and also BUY RED FUSION DRINK...ITS GOOOOOOOOODDDDDD you can find it in retail stores near you soon. :D


lol, that was WEIRD!...anyhow, nice diary ; ) [tallypie] 6/14/2002 8:53:31 PM

hey there, i'll ask you out - 6/14/2002

well, im a nice guy. Im hard to come around, you know. I want to respect just about everyone and i dont go around telling you my world has come to an end (ok, maybe once or twice a year :D) oh yeah, im available for any girls in my area.

hey, i make good advertisements, no? well, im not really trying to sell myself over the net. Im just saying what i say to most girls.

Ok, im not very articulate, but i can finish sentenses alright....well, except when i am around a girl i like. You see, im very shy. Why dont i sound shy on here? well i can talk better on the net than i can anywhere else. I dont feel like a complete loser then.

Well, ask some girls out, man. Ok, i would, but i always have this feeling. one of those insecurity things. why do i have it? i didn't want this, i never asked for it. well, i am afraid because i am still trying to recover from the incident of 2000 when i asked a girl out.

Yeah, she told me no. I wasnt mad, just a little disappointed. somehow she got the idea i was mad, and we hardly talk to each other the way we used to. now we kinda avoid each other. (this is that one situation i often reffer to)

Everyone is like, hey man, you should ask her out. everone know that she likes you. i know, since you have no classes together, ill send her notes from you. cmon man, do it.

Well, i followed your advice and look what happened! well, after that i kinda lost track of my emotions. After that, i kinda became something i didnt want. I usually had this voice of doubt in my mind. after that i didnt trust other people much and i kinda flew solo. this was before high school. I forced myself to lock up my emotions and never to think about love again. I mean there are more important things. schoolwork, trombone practice, and i had to beat the 10th level of my video game.

When i came to high school i still had my isolationist state of mind in myself. Then a person came up to me, and talked with me a bit. I tell you, that was probably the best moment i had in a long time. After that i was kinda in this circle of people who i didnt know at first, but i kinda know well now. I owe a lot to that person. that would kinda explain if i wasnt in good humor when i met her. (AND shes my third cousin)

Well, after that i changed again. I became a little more flexable with my feelings, however something was wrong in the process. I was getting those feelings of relationships again. ugh, i didnt want that. what was i to do?

The answer soon hit me between the eyes. I am just going to find me some friends and i will keep myself busy with work and other events.

That worked untill this year. Well, i was busy, but those emotions were worse than ever. No, I dont want them! I have a good friend who is a girl, and she talked with me between classes and stuff. we did many projects together and we shared stories. ok, now i am really worried.

Cmon man, ask her out. Not you again. Ok, youre the 35th person to tell me this, but the answer is no. The last time i trusted people with this, i got struck down. nope, i wont listen to you this time. Cmon man, you have nothing to lose. If i ask her out, and she says no i will lose something. a good friend. you see, good friends are hard to come by now days, so i do have a lot to lose.

Losing friends, confused, you are one screwed up guy! I know, well, lets put you in my shoes. You are now a confused shy guy and there is this girl you really like. what would you do? I would ask her out, man. good for you. lets see how long this will last. I cant because im afraid of my feelings, and im afraid that those old feelings will come back...if you dont understand this, im sorry. It is a tad confusing.

Basically, if a girl wants to go out with me she has to ask me or leave me REALLY BIG hints. Well, thats all i will say for now. I might type more about this later.


aww poor guy. girls are just mean sometimes anyway. You'll find a good one, i promise you that. just cant tell u when, lol. good luck =) [*NotToday] 6/14/2002 9:43:44 PM
don't lock your feelings up inside, girls like it when guys are sensitive. Heck, I would go out with you. Wait a minute......I am. Oh well. Thanx for this one. I understand you better now.
[fairerin21] 3/24/2004 3:10:14 PM

some loose ends of last entry - 6/15/2002

I didnt intend on quitting my last entry like that. Now I am going to fix a few things about it and possibly finish it. Ill add this part to the original entry too.

ok, first of all, no, i am not some mad lunatic that broke out of jail. i am just a teen expressing his feelings in his own way. (the food isnt as bad as they say. j/k) also i didnt intend on it being so serious. actually, the subject and story is, so i wanted to keep it that way.

A side note. The first girl i asked out was a really nice girl. O think i was only a tad bit naieve back then (ok, i know i am now, but hey, gimme a break :P)

Another thing i didnt tell about is that yes, there is kinda a emotional battle inside of me. One side is the side that tends to be a little wild and "untamed" while the other is more calm and understandable. Ive been in this persomal tug of war for a couple of years now, and i dont really want to show it. however, each gives me balance in my emotions. I used to be the calm one constantly, but i snapped out of it after my incident.

Why do I constantly arriving at this topic? Well, first of all, the rest of my life is hardly worth typing about (you know sleep, eat, sleep, watch tv) and i fell i can express myself better with these kind of entries. Anyone who knows me in real life might think that it is against my grain to do this kind of thing, but i do it often, without them knowing.

This is probably the most complex region of my life. Everything else is understandable. If you get confused, just remember this. I dont always intend my entries for everyone to grasp or handle. sometimes i do weird entries, very short entries, and entries like this.

Do i wish that i had never made friends in high school? heck no. i think that my friendships with people in and out of school help me conquer my social fears. i am very gratefull for my various relationships with my friends. I hope they will be my friends for a long time to come.

Ok. A lot of people are saying that i am too young for a relationship or i cant understand the aspect thereof. ok, i agree. however, i am sure that this empty spot that i feel in my life can be filled if i have a chance. i have had this empty spot for too long. I know i will find a girl someday, but i wish it was sooner, not later.

ok, you might be wondering about myself and what i look for in a girl. I am just a teenage guy who is an easygoing, funny, and very sensitive guy. I like to do things like go to movies, do fun activities like minuture golf (im going to try real golf someday) and i also like nights where i can talk with my girlfriend. I also love to listen to music.

Ok, I like the inner beauty of a girl a ton more than physical beauty. sure, i have preferances, but who doesnt. ultimately its what is on the inside that i look for. The girl must also tolerate my behavior. I also would like a girl i can respect, and one who can respect me. i also like a girl who is easygoing and likes to have fun. one more thing is their outlook on life. another thing is that the girl isnt a total fitness nutcase. for example, a girl eats a potato chip. that means she has to do a strenuous 48 hour workout because of that one chip. Sometimes people like that drive me nuts. I mean if they excercize because they feel like it, thats ok. Its the first case im worried about. I appreciate a girl more if she has a cheerful attitude rather than the opposite. I know this is a long list, but these are preferences, which means that if they fall short in one catagory, so what?

whew. i think im done. now i can rest my mind and go back to other things, which is almost nothing. but if anything comes up, i will tell you. i promise. and for those people who send me those notes of encouragement and good things, i thank you. anyone that knows me or that i have described in the two recent entries, i thank you a lot too. for all of those people that read this and think "i hope everything works out for him" i thank you too. (oh yeah, can i have youre phone number j/k dont really do that) if you feel like talking with me, you see my e mail address on my front page. if you do send a message, please title it to where i know what it is about. feel free to do that if you have questions, comments, or complaints ( i will only tolerate the ones that i can respect and i can understand) i also apologize if i had offended anyone with me recent entries, didnt mean to hurt your feelings.

well, thats it. for now....


JT, Those are wonderful expectations, I just hope that someone will live up to ALL of them for you. :)
[fairerin21] 3/24/2004 3:17:29 PM

ha, a shorter entry for those who are in a hurry - 6/15/2002

ok, that last two entries go together as one big entry. the biggest and longest one i ever typed up.

that is irrelevant to the topic of this entry

i am just here saying that i probably wont be adding any entries past tonight for a week because i have jazz camp next week. I'll check for notes, but i wont be on long enough to type up any new entries. just fyi

see y'all in a week or so



I'm baaaaack!! - 6/22/2002

ok, i am hyped up after a week of jazz camp. It was great. i met a lot of interesting people and i learned a lot. did you know that if you held down the knob on a soft serve ice cream machine and break it temporarilly that everyone becomes mad at you? ok, i know that it is an obvious statement, but hilarious story. kinda obvious what happened, but i warned him not to do it.......

anyways, the jim widner big band was awesome, especially their song "rhythm-a-ning" it was great. there was several people from my school was there, so it was nice.

right now.....actually, i hafta go now....tell you guys about stuff later.

Hey thinks its great that u hate fun! [*p*S*y*c*O*b*I*t*C*h] 6/24/2002 7:25:34 AM
*hey sorry i ment to say had some how i spell that sorries* [*p*S*y*c*O*b*I*t*C*h] 6/24/2002 7:26:20 AM

talkin of which - 6/25/2002

have you ever had a dream and it somehow comes true?? I mean, yeah, somethimes you dream that you are naked in public, but im talking about the mild dreams. i can give you a few examples.

one night i dreamed of some kind of quiz in my math class, and a few days later we had an unnannounced quiz in math.

another dream i had is that i dreamed that there was a really bad storm at a restaraunt in another town and a little over a week later we had a bad storm in another town, at an eating place.

ok, i recently had a dream about two dark figures down a hallway. i could tell they were female and they were coming towards me....when i was at jazz camp last week, i saw two girls coming down a hallway. I know that it was my dream because the dream flashed back when they came towards me. i didnt know what was going to happen, but i know that was the dream i had.

dreams work great. i know there will never be a big green monster after me, or spacemen from the planet zelac, or going nude in the classroom, but the sane ones sometimes come true.

i have had this reoccuring dream recently that i am at the carnival with one of my friends and he mopes about his old girlfriend. after yelling at him, i go by myself into one of the nearby buildings and i run into a girl (cant make her out who she is) and we sit down and talk. Thats all i know. Heh, I'll just have to wait and see if it will happen. Probably not, but hey, it could happen.

Keepin it cool



A tid of a bit - 7/5/2002

Howdy to all you people

Well, my Fourth of July was another smoldering, hot, and entertaining day. We had over 3000 people come to the parade today. Wow. Thats 3/5 of our towns population :D Well, I hope everyone had a good holiday. The thing I hated about our parade is that 1/3 of it was made up of political candidates, whick took our playing time away for their "speeches." Well, the parade was long, as usual. I had a good time.

Well, now I am going to take care of some things. As soon as I know what they are, Im going to do it. Well, I guess Ill leave you with this thought.

The fun is not the goal, but the journey itself

Something a wise person once told me

Keep sliding around


a wise person also once said "alan...." [blueskysforever] 8/14/2002 1:48:29 AM

Hey girls, its jazzy, i didn't die - 7/21/2002

Hidey Ho to everyone out there

Well, its been a while since I've updated this thing. Well, I went to the annual summer carnival. Big event, as usual. Had a lot of fun with the rigged games and all. Oh yeah, I am still up to nothing. I've been thinking about stuff I want to do in the future. I guess I could talk about that next time. Well, gotta jet. Look forward to hearing from me soon again.


A baritone boogaloo - 8/12/2002

Hey ya'll. I am back and I am ready to take on the next day, knowing that it'll lead to some meditation and a short nappie.

I just finished a week of band camp. Even though my worst enemy is no longer going to school due to excess intellegence, I was traded off for tweedledee and tweedledum, a couple of baritone players. These guys are so hyper, and so annoying, it makes me look like a really boring person. Basically, they come up from behind you and steal your caps. Thank goodness I never wore them. However, they still got on my nerves. So I decided to pull a little upperclassman prank. We were having a water break, and we layed our instruments on the ground. well, the two baritone boys were next to each other, so they layed down their baritones respectively. Well, I snuck back to where the instruments were and swapped them. Now someone saw me doing this, and told the two twirps about what I did, so they confronted me and they were sarcastically saying "very slick...very sneaky.." Well, I lurked back to the instruments again. Then I came back to a group of people and told them that I switched them back. When we lined back up, they didn't switch the baritones, bacause they thought I switched them back. However, little did they know that I really did NOT switch them back, so they played out of each others baritones for the rest of the night! It was soooo hard to keep from laughing because I knew for a fact they were playing the wrong baritones......maybe I should tell them sooner or later........which makes this a small personal victory for me. You can fool me once, but not again. Gotta run. I have to catch up on old times.

Welcome to the church of the holy cabbage...lettuce pray.....


Missouri sucks......i live there too. And.. stuff like that. ..........yeah. [SpoeG.Swankins] 8/12/2002 2:11:57 PM
Baritones!!!!!!!! Awesome!!! That's great!! [fairerin21] 4/5/2004 7:15:33 PM

Summer Stops - 8/19/2002

Hey all creatures great, small, and inbetween the two. This is me, and I am here.

What have I been doing? Well, I am getting ready for my first day back to school. One of my best friends moved to college a couple of days ago, and I've been talking to someone that already is in college. I know I miss them, its just that moving on will be a tough challenge, which I am willing to to tackle. I can already say that it is going to be an interesting year ahead of me. Well, I am going to high school tomarrow for the first day. I have no idea what will happen either....probably same old. Go there, talk with peers, get lectured by teachers, then go home knowing less than when I came there. Then I do that again.....and again....and again....untill summer vacation comes again. Well, instead of saying I wasted my summer, I will say that I have been searching for answers to my many questions about feelings, emotions, the heart, and life in general. I also have a new outlook on life, kinda feeling less guilty about myself and I've seem to feel like a more moral person recently. It feels really good. Well, I'm going to go. I have school tomarrow and I want plenty of rest for classroom conduct papers tomarrow.....the first day is always the slowest day.




A wishy-washy wonder - 8/26/2002


Yes, I am taking Spanish this year and I know 12 words, so I am happy. Funny thing though. I have Spanish, THEN I have AMERICAN history. Kinda takin up two cultures back to back. So far I have had only two homework-free nights, but it hasnt been bad yet. I know the worst is still to come, but hey, if I'm not willing to face it, I wont be able to hold my head high and call myself "smart." My English class is a comprehensive study of American literature. So far weve only done Native American genre stories. My chemistry class is actually better than my biology class last year. Maybe its because it involves more mathematics, which is one of my favorite fields to study in. Of course band and choir are the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way.(well, choir could be more interesting AND fun, but hey, i need a good study hall) So studies have been more involved, and Ive looked at things in a different light so far this year, and its only been 5 days into the schoool year. Hopefully I can keep this kind of report all year, but i have a good feeling that it wont always be like this. Call it a premonition, call it some sort of psychotic look into the future, but i know something big is going to happen, i just wish i knew what it was.

Ok, its been a while since ive complained about my love life, so i'll just make this short and sweet. right now i am just tryin to figure out how this stuff works. I mean, in a hypothetical situation, it would seem that relationships are even between the two people, but sometimes it feels like one person provides some, but the other person kinda doesnt. i dont know if thats even considered a relationship, if anything. sometimes i wish they made a manual for this stuff. but stuff like this is based on experiance, of which i have none of. its just such a confusing time for me right now.

well, i wish i had more, but i dont. im currently working on a small band project. what is it. well, only 133 people knows what it is. no more, no less.

peace and grooviness rules all, man



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