There have been things over the past few weeks that I have been contemplating. This one would go under the heading of personal affairs/romance. I know I don't talk a lot about that kind of thing on here, but I told myself that sense this is my blog, and I paid good money to become a permanent member on LJ, that I should expound some on my personal life than I have before. The problem is that I hate giving out a ton of info, and I don't like talking about others on here, but I will try to let you guys see through my eyes more often.
Anyways, I would be remiss to not say that I am a little more than melochodic about the realm of love. I guess I am still just nervous from before, but I am not begging on the floor either. I want love, but this just may not be the right time. In the meanwhile, I am trying to figure out some things so I can be ready.
My main thing right now is figuring out what I have that would attract the opposite gender. There are many ways to attract a woman, and to each their own, I guess, but they would follow under some very generic categories such as:
Physicality - This one is the whole Heath Ledger/Brad Pitt/Chuck Norris area. I mean some women are attracted to guys with burly frames. Its a sad and shallow fact.
Emotionality - This is one that most men try to fill. Basically, to listen and act "more feminine" and become more intune with the females. This one is incredibly popular (though I am not sure how many of them are sincere).
Spirituality - Women go for Christians and guys who walk the straight and narrow, but conversely ---
Additude - Some are attractred to dangerous males and ones who cause trouble. Maybe its an adrenaline thing? All I know is that most guys in prison have someone waiting for them.
Wealth - Another shallow, but true thing.
Charmingness - there are men who are very good with their words. Sure, they may not be the best looking guys in the bar, but with the way they talk, they can get the hottest woman in there with their vocabulary and placement of words and phrases.
There are other factors as well, but most guys will find themselves in one of these categories. My thing is finding out which one I am under. Sure, I have a keg instead of a 6 pack, but I'm not ashamed of it. I don't have the bad attitude or forceful nature about me. It just doesn't fit who I am. I work at Wall*mart, need I say more? I also fail at words, or if I do say something, it is mostly plagiarized. I am not a poet of a doctor in literature, so I feel that I lack in charm. Spirituality is something I don't stress a lot (perhaps I should, but I don't want to be annoying. If there is a religious discussion, you can bet that I'll at least be listening to it). I mean sure, I preach, lead singing, and teach a mid-week class, but that isn't something incredibly special. I'm just using the gifts God gave me.
Anyways, in the end, I don't feel like I belong in any of those groups. Then again, maybe I should adopt one or two and maybe I'll have more girls after me. Its hard tryign to find yourself. Now I am not saying that I want to change myself, cosmetically or intellectually, but maybe I can improve on things. Maybe I could work on my discussion skills. I just don't know. I'm not really much of a talker with...er...sappier things. If you hear me say something, you'll notice my voice cracking or become trembly. A natural reflex.
With my extra days off, I have just been thinking about these kind of things, and other stuff. Most people go places or escape reality when they have several days off. I spend mine sitting there, bored out of my skull, thinking on things. Sure, I also play games and mess around on the net, but I have time to think how to better myself for the good of humanity. *Sigh* I may never fully recover from my quirks or become a master of anything, but I am trying. I just don't know what my strengths are....oh well.
Maybe someone will let me know.....in a few decades.......
Meh.
Anyways, happy weekend :D!
The Allengator
