Allen (allengator86) wrote,
Allen
allengator86

Not Working, Not Called, Not Not Trying to be Happy

Sorry about the lack of blogginess. In defense, I was working on that "Lyrics Test", then working on some other projects. Aside from homework, I am currently thinking a crap ton about life and whatnot.

My main issue is work right now. As most people that work with me know, especially Tuesday night, I have just not been myself there lately. Truth is that I am no longer happy there. I mean its kind of like that girlfriend a guys gets, and mainly goes out with her because of her looks. Sure, making out and sex are fun at first, but it loses its luster after a while, and that is how work is. It started off nicely, but now it just sucks the big one. I think I'm mostly just not cut out for retail work. I don't mean physically. That's not the issue. I mean mentally. I just don't belong there anymore. On top of that, my hours are horrendous, and getting to the point where I can't afford college, and that includes cutting back on everything, including lunches. It's continually getting worse, and I just don't want to be a part of it anymore. I'm not going to quit, but you can bet your sweet butt that I am totally going to get a new job somewhere where I am respected more. I'm tired of the half-butt treatment I get there. I really don't want to discuss it much, but let me put it this way. I had several things that have been keeping me there, and it kept getting plucked down to just one. The last thing keeping me there, pay, is being threatened way too much, and that convinced me to search for a new job. I am scouring classifieds like they are nobody's business.

I kinda got in a fender bender in Spingfield the other day. No damage or injuries, but man...remember, hydroplaning is a real thing, and dont slam on your breaks when it rains, people. She just better be glad that I am an easily forgivable person.

Speaking of forgiveness, I kinda got a major shock to the system. Remember that good friend I used to have that is fighting in Iraq? Well, evidently he isn't in the service anymore, and has been in town for a couple of months, AND DIDN'T TELL OR CALL ME! I just feel sick and insulted. What's worse, I had to find out from someone else. I guess I'm just really disappointed that I am not seem as important to him anymore. It has really just bothered me too much. *sigh* I really need a close friend again. I mean I feel so freaking alone out there in the world. I don't mean romantically, per se, but just the commeradere. Like they said on Nametags, "There is no worse feeling than feeling like you have no friends.", not that I don't have any friends, but really tight ones, that, no offense and pardon any chauvinistic vibes, isn't female. *sighs times infinity*

School is butting into my church time again. It looks like I will officially have to step down as Thursday night teacher, at least until my Thursday nights are open again.

Good things. Nowdays, its hard to know what good things are, and they don't happen as much. I guess besides some material things (I will totally rave about the latest School Rumble release later! It's totally sweet!!!), the happiest thing to happen to me is doing my duties at church. There is something about praising God, singing hymns, and just having a good time with same-minded people that lifts my spirits. I mean whatever mood I am in, scared, mad, sad, or whatever, I always feel better once I go through a service. I guess that is the power of God. I guess it humbles me, knowing that even though I am going through hard times emotionally and financially, that there is something bigger out there that has gone thorugh worse. I guess we all need that every once in a while.

I better get going to somewhere else. I'm going to try to be less depressing on here, ok ^.^, and maybe, just maybe, less of all that stuff in real life. I think most people, including myself, are tired of the spaced-out, serious, non-smiley version of me.

Just give me some time on it, k? k.

The Allengator
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