Yeah, I am talking about smiley face Baal Mart. Yippee. It's not another one of those, "Man, work sucked big last night" entries, but more of a "well, what now?" things. Honestly, I got a lot accomplised last night, and there wasn't much to provoke me. Sure, I had to cover someone's lunch, but that is a mild night.
What I mean is that I just don't feel respected there anymore. I mean, maybe its been like this for awhile, but I just don't feel like I am a major part of the overall structure of the store anymore, or that I am silently being told to quit. Here is what I mean. I am a sales associate in the home furnishings department, meaning I aid customers with purchases, stock merchandise, and help with various other functions on the floor. Since the department isn't the most lucaritive department in the store, sometimes I have to spend a night at the neighboring department, office supplies, which doesn't bother me much (except when employees mistaken me for being an associate there).
Sure, I may have to cashier, push carts, and whatnot, but once in a while isn't bad, but when it is a night after night occurance, me filling in for someone's lunch, or poor scheduling, it makes me ticked off. Furthurmore, I have been extremely mellow about the whole "getting hours cut thing", especially compared to other people, but I work less than some people do that work the same number of days a week. That does not bother me too much either. However, I know I am not being treated the way I should be. Evidently, it is a sin to schedule me anytime before sunset. I mean yeah, I knew that coming in, but what irritates me is that other people, who I will not mention, change their schedules on a whim, and if they just happen to not be available those evenings, hey, lets have said person work during the day! If I ask, they look at me as if I'm mental.
Furthurmore, I used to take it as a compliment when people said that I am too smart for this job, but the more I hear it, and the more people that say that, the more I start to believe it. I am getting to the point where the work is really menial. I mean, a trained chimp can do some of the jobs there. Yeah, we get paid, but especially when I am not doing what I was hired to do, it feels like a big waste of my talent. I also feel sort of embarrased when I see people I know, from school or whatnot, seeing me still work there, almost in pity. It makes me feel like I haven't accomplished anything. It would be the equivalent of a hihgly skilled programmer being asked to scrub toilets. It just makes you grit your teeth. I'm getting tired of being treated like I may or may not know how things roll. I have more seniority than about half of the people that work there. Sad.
Speaking of knowing how things function, I do know more than most workers do about setting up displays, moving merchandise around to make it sellable. I mean I have resset sections by myself before WIITHOUT help, and have even received compliments on the speediness and so forth of it. Why am I not asked to help out with the big ones? I see other people who are not as experienced doing it, and I am standing there, fully knowing what to do, and I don't even get considered. Its insulting. Not only do I need the hours to pay for college, but...it would make me feel like I am part of something. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I'm nothing but a third wheel or a peon to just about anyone. It demoralizes me.
The sad part is that most places out there are like that. Real world work politics and whatnot. I mean, until I finally get my freakin' diploma (ok, second diploma), I am fated to be stuck in the retail world. I hate it. I want out. Bad.
I guess until them I will just have to grin and bear it. Suffer. Whatever. I was thinking about what Hell is like. The Bible says that there is everlasting fire and worms that do not die. Cartoonists depict Satan as a devil with horns, a pitchfork, and a nasty attitude. I think Hell, maybe more personal, would be me waking up each day, going to...there...and have no one but management, management wannabes, and me. By myself. Being asked to do all the jobs. Every day. For eternity. Makes me want to avoid Hell at all costs (well, the fire and worms part too, but now I have more incentive).
This entry was not to blame my coworkers, many I feel that are good friends of mine, but it is to point out the errors in the bureaucratically unstable managerial environment there. That is why you might find me walking around, or have my head ducked in covered in the break room muttering, "Its just a job, not a career..."
...its just a job, not a career....