Allen (allengator86) wrote,

A Body of Pain, A Headfull of Pondering, and Thou

First off, some obligatory apologies. I'm sorry for not blogging too much this week....again. I'm sorry I have not written much about myself lately. I apologize to anyone who I might have offended with my scowl at work. Forgive me of saying that my morale at work was extremely low, even though its true. It's really not up to you to hear my complaints, which is why I ask for forgiveness. I also want to make a public apology to one in paticular, because I did something nearly unforgivable, and I beg for forgiveness. I want to make clear on the internet that I am truly sorry to the X Video Rocker display we have in furniture. It was not your fault some sweaty, overweight geek took you off the shelf and sat in you, then I come around, punch my fists of rage into your plush backside, many times. I should have not taken my rage out on you. No inanimate objects deserves to be tortured by us humans without reason......

So NOT ask me about work, anyone. You will get a scalding answer for the next few days. VERY scalding. The "I don't swear, but if I could..." type of scalding.

I am laying here, unable to physically move. I can stand, and I can lay perfectly flat, but I can not do anything involving bending or sitting down. I'm hoping a good night of rest will remedy that...if I can sleep through this stinking pain.

Ok, enough complaints. Now on to regrets! I wish I went to more places during the summer. I wish my schedule would allow me some time to visit with visiting friends. I wish Pluto was still a planet. I wish we had a 7-11 down here.

Now the good news!

And thats all the good news I have.

Don't you LOVE sarcasm?

Actually, that's not entirely truthful. I'm just in one of those moods tonight where I could care less about most things. I just care about family, friends, and spiritual things, but the pain in my body is an unpleasant reminder that I am to slave in the corporate world until I can't take it, so my spirit is a quite crestfallen.

I am honestly keeping my mind fairly blank as of late....well...more so than usual. I just decided that if I were to ignore all my problems, that they will just haunt me later when I have a better outlook in life. I'm not "sweeping under the rug", but am more "putting it off", because if I make that a part of my life, I just will not be as chipper as I am now. I don't have SERIOUS problem either, mind you. I just have the typical ones that a early 20-something has. How will I move out of the house? When will I be done with college? What will I do after college? What if its a mistake? What if I have to move, and its a mistake? When am I going to find my true love in life? When will I get that feeling I once had? When will I regain my zest for life? When will I get out of this perpetual rut I am in? Will I ever be able to control my anger enough? Will I be a good father? What will my funeral be like? Will there be many people there? Will it be standing room only, just my close family, or something inbetween? Will I ever be remotely famous? Will I keep blogging for the rest of my life? Will I be able to keep up with industry standards and changes in technology? Will I be ready to face my parent's death? Will I be able to take care of myself?

Sorry to bug you with all of these rhetorical questions. Several are about the future, which I try to spend little time on those, because those who obsess about the future belongs in politics. I clearly don't. Some are about the present. Those I juggle from time to time. Seriously, though. Those are just scratching the surface of the tip of the iceberg. With those kind of depressing/morbid variety, its no wonder why sometimes I just need a break from it all. I find that ignorance is truly bliss. What does that say about giddy people? Do they not know something I do? I am trying my hardest to not let these things bother me, and to simply make life as simple as possible. I have been trying real hard lately, but thereis always someone or something that throws a monkey wrench in it and makes me go back to the questions in my life.

I know some have answers, some will have answers in the future, and some will never be answered at all.

Hey, who doesn't have these problems too, right? I am just one in a world of billions. Everyone has these, and we are all in this together. I guess that is why friendships exist.

Anyways, I hope this is enough complaining/philosophy to fill you guys up for a while. I'm going to go watch some funny stuff on the 'Tubes. Have a nice weekend everyone!

The Allengator

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