Allen (allengator86) wrote,

My Journey From Yesterday

I have another serious-type entry. Sorry peeps :(.

I had a dream about something that happened to me a few years ago. It was one of the most happiest times of my life. I won't go into details because it may stir up some emotions I don't intend to extrude, but it was a significant change in my life. Anyways, this spot I was at, I just saw, was blank and empty. No one was around. Just me and my...aura, for lack of a better term. It was dewy and quiet. This isn't what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to be there with a person or two, and I was supposed to be happy! But that is not how I saw it. I didn't think anything of it, and woke up.

I was at college yesterday, and accounting let out early (like, 8:08, when it starts at 8:00), so I went to my car, and saw that it was over 4 hours until my next class. I am not one to just sit aruond that long, so I decided to just walk around campus. So I switched the books in my messenger bag and put on my fedoram and started my walk.


I didn't stay on campus for long. I decided to walk off onto the non-beaten path. I had absolutely no idea where I was going.

At least that was what I was telling myself.

My head was not realizing where I was going, but my soul felt like it was being sent somewhere, and it knew where it was going. I have never been in this neighborhood before.

It was damp, and on the verge of pouring, but I felt like I needed to take a walk and reflect on things. I then saw something familliar. It was a high school that I visited one time, again, years ago. I smiled to myself, recounted the memories, and walked on. I had not reached my destination just yet.

There was a huge stadium that still had the early morning dew on it. It was very muggy, and I nearly fell down. It was on a very steep hill and I had nearly traveled a good mile at a fairly fast pace, so I could beat the supposed storm on the way. I was getting tired and exhausted. My arms were moist, not from sweat, but the morning moisture.

Travelling on, suddenly, I realized where I was. My brain finally caught up with my soul and it said "Hurry". I was feeling some contempt, but I didn't feel like giving up. A couple minutes later, I saw it, and I did what any normal person on the edge of physical and definately emotional collapse does.

I ran.

Normally, I do not run, but I just felt like I needed to. I felt some emotions welling up that have been missing for a long time. Suddenly, there I was. I was at the place I saw in my dream. The place I once felt hapiness.

It was quiet.

I was alone.

It was dewy.

I realized that THIS was what I saw in my dream. I looked and saw history playing out. A young man sitting down, contemplating stuff, and someone else, that just wouldn't let him be by himself. Then a third person was in the background. Again, I will not go into specifics. Everyone has a name, but I do not want to make anyone unconfortable. I saw one of the happiest moments of my life play out. I started to cry. I remember the moment down to the detail. Normally, a person feels warmth in a time like that, but I felt a chill. It might have been a good moment in its own time, but is just not the same. Too much has changed since then.

I must have stood there for about 20 minutes. I tucked my fedora furthur down, almost to where it covered my eyes. I said goodbye. Maybe there was a point to going there. Maybe, I knew what was the point. I needed closure. That is exactly what I got.

I went back to campus, back to reality, and went on as I usually do, but with a tiny bit of a new lease on life. I was happy in my reality, and glad that I could face my past and say, "It was a ride". Maybe my life is where it should be, instead of where others thing it should be. I saw a glimpse of the life I could have had and I did not like it. I am who I am, and nobody knows it better than me.

So that was my journey. I took a long journey, found some personal growth, and am ready to tackle the next great portion of my life. Let's do it.

The Allengator

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