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'Gator? I hardly knew her!

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The Allengator's Heartbreaking Love Letter to Her
Ice King, Adventure Time
allengator86
Dear girl invading my dreams,

I am a very single dude, and you are good looking. I enjoy it when you giggle. I love seeing you in you skirt, or in your jeans. Your plastic rimmed glasses arouse me. Just the thought of you sends me into a tizzy. You make me smile. You make me feel like the luckiest guy on Earth.

That being said, I do have a problem with you. It's the fact that you don't exist on this plane of reality.

I Googled (trademark, copyright, all rights reserved to Google and the Google dudes) you. I did an image search. I looked you up on Altavista (which doesn't require me to do anything to its name). I searched through singles sites. I looked at Myspace profiles. I did searches on Yahoo and Facebook.

The thing is, is that I love you. You, however, do not exist, so there raises a conundrum. If I were to ever start dating any girls, and I dreamed of you, it would look like I am cheating on her with my mind. My own mind, and I am not one to get brain-removal surgery. I love that gray mass in my head.

I mean, you are nearly perfect. That fact really blows though. The fact is that you set the standard for real life women too high. I may not ever find you in real life.

Here is my proposal. STOP IT! NOW!!! Teasing me is the last thing my ego needs right now. I hate being single, ok? It is the low point of my life right now. Everything else is peachy. I just do not have that special connection with that special someone right now. It feels like women just tolerate me. You, you love me. I love you for that. You told it to me. I smiled.

We had some great times. Times as big as making me sleep past my alarm, to as little as me running my hands through your blond hair, hugging your body, feeling your sensual curves. I remember the time we went on a trip to Osage Beach, just to see the sights. No cares about gas money. Nothing in particular to do. Just us walking around, going to shops and taking pictures. Then there was the time we were parked in a field during the night. We had an extremely deep conversation about philosophical things. A conversation no one would want to have with me, at least at your interest level. Holding your body, and wishing time would stop, so we would never have to say goodbye. I will say, that those three hours did last 8 hours in the real world, but who cares. Oh yeah, and who could forget Hardees? We were eating some chicken, talking about coffee and college. Yes, I remember the smallest of conversations.

I am attracted to your personality. You don't use profanity. You don't smoke, drink, or do any drugs whatsoever. You are confident, yet not complete. You are smart, witty, nerdy, and if I didn't need a girlfriend, then you would be a good friend in the situation. Laughing with me. Kicking me. Making fun of my fedora. You are the epitome of what I seek in a female.

Again, you do not exist, and there poses the problem. I want you. I want to love you. I want to have your children. I want to grow old with you. I want you to be there when I sleep and when I wake. Everyday is not enough. I wish it were more. However, you are a figment of my imagination. You are not real. I shed a tear as I type that.

I wake up, and realize I must go on with life without you. I want to hate you for that. I really do. I can not hate you though. You mean too much for me, yet, nothing at all. Am I in love with myself? No. That sounds conceited. I am in love with my imagination! No, wait. That makes me look like a Barney addict. Hmm. I am in love with the images and surroundings my brain creates based off of various data throughout my life. Yes. Much better.

My head told me to go see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, those are expensive, and I work at Baal*Mart, so that is a no go. I did the next best thing and went to wikipedia. It didn't know anything either, so I guess I am sick in the head and there is no cure.

I am going to ignore you, no matter what you do. I need to move on, experience life, and be able to experience love for real.

I guess this is goodbye to our relationship. As I said, we can just be friends, with us joking around with each other, like we did before. I know, not right away, but in the future perhaps?

Who am I kidding. You are not real. I just need to keep telling myself that.

Even if you are not real, I do not feel as whole as I did. There was something, but I need to realize that it was not real to begin with. If there wasn't, why do I feel like this?

Anyways, I hope you find someone to love.

..........I hope I can find someone......

With appreciation,

The Allengator