Allen (allengator86) wrote,

I am so NOT a Romantic, but.....

Hey, posting a regular entry for once.

March has not been the most productive month as far as blogging is concerned. I have mostly done the Geek's Weeklies, which is all fine and dandy (and yes, I did finally miss a it on basketball.....) but as far as life stuff goes, everyone has been in the blank.

I guess everyone includes me.

I mean, nothing is going on in my life right now. Here I am, on the couch, waiting for inpiration to hit. Nothing is coming life is boring. I mean, it used to be more fascinating.

For example, High School was one major soap opera. It was EASY to find material to blog about on a daily basis. College is not so much, because people are more mature, overall.

I prefer to keep my family out of this. It is not my place to blog about peronal stuff about them on here, and I want to respect that.

Besides the normal work complaints, there is nothing to write on here about.

What does that leave me with? I'm not exactly a "clubber". I don't have a group of friends that I hang out with. I rarely get out of my shell and do something crazy. I may go to Springfield this week, but that is nothing to write about either. Back in the day it was exciting, but now I go on a near weekly basis, so it is not as interesting anymore.

That leaves me with nothing to talk about. So maybe I can try my hardest to let you in on some things about me that people don't know.

I have a tendency to think about the past. I do my best and keep the bad parts out, but it happens. Lately, I have just been thinking about the romantic side of me.

Please don't laugh. Yes, such a think exists, and only one or two people have truly experienced it.

Many of the people I call friends nowdays have not seen me truly in love. I honestly have not been in love since my last girlfriend. I can tell you, it makes a difference, at least, I would like to think so. I know it is no secret that I just do not seem excited about anything....well, not as much as I used to. Being in love definately makes me appreciate the little things more.

When I truly love a woman, they know it. Sometimes I wonder if it is enough, and worry if it is too much. I go over previous relationships in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, and how I can prevent it. Maybe I am too dependent on my significant other. Maybe I do not show my appreciation as much as I should. Maybe I spend more time going on about monkies than I should. I just don't know.

Sometimes I wonder about just giving up. Maybe helping others come together, and never think about myself. Become more of a modern Cyrano, helping other people get together, no matter what my personal feelings are, and die a lonely death. Ok, maybe that is too morbid.

Maybe I should never make friends. All they ever want to do is "be friends". Ok, being friends with guys is ok, because, I will NEVER date a guy. That is just wrong. Yeah, just hang around the guys and stay away from girls. It is like a rat and some cheese. If the rat had no cheese to begin with, then it would never desire it. Yeah. No cheese for me. No more torture.

I wish I could follow through on that. I really wish I could.

Unfortunately, most of my friends are girls. While I would probably not date most of them, if they were to ask me out, I wouldn't say no necessarily. I just know most, if not all, will never see me that way. I'm not complaining, but its annoying.

I have no idea how I would treat my girlfriend. Here is what I would know, and that is that she would be everything to me. I would love her as if she was truly the only woman in my life, and she would be. I would stop by her place, hold her, have some fun (I mean a board/video game or a movie or something), and enjoy just being with her, because, I know that she WANTS me there with her. That would make me feel better not only then, but a lot of the time. I think my outlook on life wouldn't be so dull and negative. I wouldn't be in this slump. I would just feel complete.

I keep trying to tell myself to not be so impatient, that I need to wait for the girl in my life. I would like to think I do a good job of that, but if I said that, I would be lying to myself. I'm almost 22, and I've had one serious relationship. I wish I could be the happy romantic, sometimes. I guess it is just my way for now to just watch everyone else be happy. I'll just have to exercise more patience.

I guess that would give you a little insight to my life. I hate talking about it because, hey, who wants to hear some random guy's ideas on romance. *Sigh*

Anyways, have fun everybody. I'm going to go see about my license, since it is almost expired.

The Allengator

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