Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Facebook Follies

A little over a year ago, I wrote an entry that went over the "Seven stupid sins of Myspace". Well, I am going to have a list of grievences for Facebook, which is becoming too popular in its own right. I have over two hors to write this, so I hope I get all of this out.

News Feed Spam

This is 70% Facebook's fault and 30% people's fault. Every day, without fail, my news feed is spammed with ads, which is all Facebook. I am not talking about those annoying nuances, well, mostly. I am talking about so-and-so taking the "naughty things" quiz, and asking me to see how we compare. First off, I am a Christian. Yes, I can take a joke, but seriously. No. No *goes into near fetal position*. What is worse is when it shows up on my notifications, which spams my inbox at school, causing it to fill up quickly. I think I managed to not get a few actual important messages, but this crap instead. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FREAKIN' QUIZZES YOU TOOK. One person deserves special recognition, which is Chelsea. When she sends me notifications, they are quite good. She has sent me a select few invites which I am genuinely interested in. Thanks, Chelsea. Sadly, she is about the only one. I know if I were to ever send out one, I can ask just about anybody, as that is what they do for me anyways.

And what is up with these applications asking you to add people? THAT CONSIDERABLY RUINS THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO SIGN UP. Why can they NOT get that through their heads. If I were to ever make an app, I would do as much as possible to make it as non-socialpathic as possible.

Dumb Applications

What color are your eyes? Seriously. That is stupid. Mine are grey, thank you very much, and that says NOTHING about me. Seriously. Here is another one. What kind of eyes do I have? Look at the developer name. It is QUIZAHOLICS. There is something troubling baout you if you feel compelled to take these. LOOK IN A MIRROR. If you are so compelled to do these, or are bored, READ A BOOK. These things are a waste of time, and a waste of newsfeed space, and I am ashamed that they get that type of space. I am even more ashamed that people take them.

There are only a very very few that make the cut as good ones. Yes, I have a few, but I do not spam people. There IS a difference. Superwall, for instance, as someone who loves HTML, I think it is an excellent application. Then there is........uh.........hmm................nevermind. There is just that one.

Pokes and the Like

"Someone has thrown a sheep at you!" GET THE STUPID CREATURE OFF OF ME. No one I know is THAT strong. The application that tops the list of annoyances is POKING. At first, I thought is was funny. Then, it became routine. Then it got utterly stupid. I have stopped poking chronic pokers. It is for your own good. Now if someone wants to get my attention once in a while, good. THAT IS WHAT THAT APPLICATION WAS MEANT FOR. If you want to poke me "just because...", then you're on the fast track of being added to my list of "Chronic Sociopaths". DO NOT POKE ME WITHOUT A LEGITIMITE REASON!!!!!!!!!!!

SuperPoke, on the other hand, takes the annoyance of "poking" and raises it to the annoying-th power. That application belings to a select group that I call "application hell". They were invented to give people kicks, who really don't deserve them. If "hugging" me makes you happy, then get off your butt, find me, and hug me. It is insulting if you think about it. Even saying *hug* in instant messaging or e-mail is fine. Superpoke tells me that "I just need to poke a button to make you happy". I FIND THAT STUFF INSULTING!!! Do NOT ask me to add that or face severe "pummelings" from "Superpoke". Its stuff like that that makes me type stuff like that.

Application Mongers

When I visit some person's Facebook, and it takes me more than 3 minutes to find your "Wall", then I just forget doing it. THIS HAS BEEN THE CAUSE OF ME NOT CONTACTING YOU ON THERE! When I go to your site, and see 15 million applications that mostly have stickers, sparklies, results, and the like, it gives me a headache, and loads slowly. If you want that to be on your private page, go crazy, but please don't make me suffer at looking at that stuff. I love my friends, and I know some of you well. Please do not advertise your applications for things I already know about you! Quiz results are the worst. Next up, that gets the honorable "Nice, but WAAAAAY too overused" application goes to "bumper stickers". A few are fine and kind of neat. More than 15 is just asking me to stop going to your page. Sorry, but the truth hurts.


This is completely Facebook's fault, but the gifts are insulting and incredibly STUPID. It is saying, "I am too cheap to get you a real gift, or don't want to put the time into getting you an e-card or something. 99 cents is a good deal, right?" WRONG. You are essentially paying for a PICTURE. What is the point when you can right click on the picture, copy, and add it to my "Advanced Wall"? Yeah, Facebook needs some revenue to function, but this is capitalizing on people's laziness and stupidity. Again, I find these things insulting. You got me a cake? ARE YOU SAYING MY ONLY FUNCTION IS TO EAT???? You give me a heart. Are you in love with me? Well, no, but I thought it was lovely ~.^. You give me a gift. Are you telling me that I am not worth the trouble of getting a real gift, which I can unwrap?

Side Note: So far, two new news items have showed up on my page since I started this entry. You are REALLY making me sad, people :'(.

What Facebook Does About Spam

The short answer is NOTHING. I have I honestly have turned on all filters stating, "Only put IMPORTANT messages, like profile changes and the like". What do I get? "Naughty Things" applications. *Sigh*.


" Inbox" Messages

This one has not happened to me a lot, but I have heard stories.  Some people mass mails nearly everyone in their lists, and I get to watch a conversation I would wish I hadn't.  Example:

Person 1:  Join my Facebook Guild, people!
Person 2:  Why *Mass mails everybody*
Person 1:  Because, I need more bodies.  *Still mass mailing everybody*
Person 2:  I don't feel like it.
Person 1:  You better do that *Now everyone in mass mail thinks the person may be a douche*.
Person 3:  No thanks.  *Mass mails too.  PRIVATE HIM, PEOPLE!*
Person 1:  Pleeeeeeaaaassssseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! *Now he seems like a desperate loser or needy*
Me:  Why is there 7 new messages in my inbox?  AHHHHH!  SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  *Punches computer.  Gets out warranty*

All in all, Facebook is a much better website than Myspace, but the problem is that people misuse what it was originally intended to do, and now has become a feeding ground for spammers and sociopaths.  If you are guilty of one or more of these things. PLEASE REFORM!!!!!  IT IS NOT TO LATE TO REPENT AND BE TAKEN OFF THE LIST OF PEOPLE TO AVOID BECAUSE OF BEING A CHRONIC SOCIOPATH!!!  You guys have made me waste about an hour of my life trying to fix what you are doing.  That is bad.  It has been a long time coming.  Please, it is all in good fun, but good fun doesn't mean annoying me around every chance and making it difficult to contact you.  

If you feel guilty about any of this, take a good long look at your site, and see if you need to make changes.  

Online networking sites just really turn me off.  That is the long and short of it.

Oh, and happy S.P.A.D. .......

The fully vented,

The Allengator


The Seven Stupid Sins of Facebook
Tags: facebook, nomination 2008

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