Allen (allengator86) wrote,
Allen
allengator86

Long Entry for a Close Circle of Friends

Ok, it’s now one of those entries where I express my personal thoughts about a subject.

Marriage.

I have thought about asking some friends of mine what this means. Here is how it goes:

Hey, I want to ask you something.
What?
What do you think about marriage for someone who is young?
Are you and Erin getting married?
No! It’s for a friend.
Right, a “friend” (uses their fingers to accentuate friend)
I can’t say who though.
Right…..so your “friend” is getting married soon?
Um, she’s engaged.
When did you ask her?
I think it was over winter break, at least its what I heard.
So it IS you and Erin!
No it isn’t!
I asked when YOU asked her.
I didn’t hear you say “you”.
So when did it happen?
Grrrrr…….

So I feel it best to express my feelings on here, and for the record, it IS for a friend. Erin and I have discussed future plans, not set in stone, and agreed to not plan till at least one of us has an established job.

Anyways, this friend is like a sister to me, so I do get protective from time to time. She and her boyfriend have not been going out too long, well, relatively, anyways. Erin called last night (still appreciate them, babe.) and tells me that they are engaged now, planning on marrying this summer, right after she graduates. “Wow,” I thought. “I haven’t talked to her in forever, but MAN. I was in initial shock, trying to take it in. I guess Erin had to tell me because she was afraid of my reaction, or at least it’s the impression I got. Anyways, here is my theory: I want to make sure she thought this through. I know she WILL get a lot of this speech, but I am looking at this at another angle. I’m obscure like that.

This made me think of how I view marriage. I mean Erin and I ARE serious, and we love each other to the point where we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. What is marriage to me though? Was just talking with Shane and his girlfriend today, and they might be engaged soon. I think it’s nice. They both love each other, and I think it’s awesome. I am a very old-fashioned guy when it comes to thoughts on marriage. I follow what I believe in most, which would be the Bible. Simply put, I think a married couple shouldn’t divorce unless infidelity or abuse is involved. As many of my friends know, I will NOT cheat on my significant other, especially if I’m married, and I do not believe in hitting girls, no matter how much they deserve it (darn, there goes my Billy punching bag…). I think I have done a good job with this, and I hope Erin thinks so too. I mean I do not try to think of other women, and I definitely don’t hurt her on purpose (there was that one time we were….um…..it was an accident (stupid foot)). I think about her more that anyone will ever know. Sometimes I don’t tell her, but I know she knows. I would give up my life, if she were in danger, I would hold her when she is hurting on the inside, I would still think she’s pretty when we are in our 80’s, and I would feel honored if she would even consider spending the rest of her life with a lug like me. I think this theology (the whole I woulds) is how I think a mindset should be for engagement. My problem is time. I want to be able to financially support her, I want to make sure I am through most of my awkward years; I want to make sure SHE is ready, that she does the stuff she wants to do before becoming an adult, and I want to be sure that she is ready. I know neither of us is now, but in time. All that is stopping me for now is time. That is my ideology for marriage. Other people have different thoughts, and I respect that. I hope that Erin and I have the same mind thought on this.

The thing I am concerned most about my friend, is that she is getting married too early. She wants to basically right after graduation. High School graduation. While this is all and good, I wouldn’t be as worried if she was out, or even in college before she finished this up. I want to make sure she has a backup plan, just in case. Her boyfriend is a gentleman and I know they are made for each other. I just want to make sure she has everything taken care of. You know, what if he gets in an accident and was incapacitated for, say even a few months, what she would do. I’m sure her current job couldn’t handle a mortgage, bills, groceries, gas, and others stuffs each month, not saying I don’t believe in her, but I would be concerned.

Another pressing concern of mine is that a driving force would be her wanting away from her family so bad. I know that her father knows, but she has yet to inform her mother. I understand things aren’t going well and that she shouldn’t stay much longer, but once she gets married, out in the real world, she basically leaves the nest, only to return at holidays and the occasional occupational seminar from work. My thought is that, while my family is not much like this, that most families are under the assumption that once you leave, you’re on your own, financially and being under the roof. I am not judging her family, and I could be off. If I am, I am greatly sorry for the misconception.

I am not trying to impose my thoughts on anyone else or give the assumption that I am against this whole thing. My friend is a smart person, and she deserves something nice to her. She will soon be a young adult and will be legitimately responsible, but I think she has been that way a long time. Like I said, I love her, in a brotherly way. I do not think it is in my place to tell her how she should go about this or ask for my opinion unless she really, really wants it. I pray that all will be good for her. If she marries in the summer, well, I will support her all the way. No matter what she decides, I will support her. She’s been my friend for several years, and it is not in my place to tell her how to live her life. It is her life, and I will respect it the best I can.

My friend, I support you all the way, wholeheartedly.

To anyone who reads this and knows whom I am talking about: I want to tell you that this is not a personal agenda thing. If you think this is wrong, that’s your opinion. I do not think its wrong for two consenting people to marry, but if you have your reasons, you have your reasons. I beg of you to look at both sides of the fence. Look at her point of view, as best you can. Please, if you want to talk about it, you know how to contact me or my friend.

To people who don’t who I am talking about: Heh, you read all the way down to here.

To my friend: I better be invited to the wedding (there better be monkeys :D).


My prayers go out to all parties involved. I pray you will find peace and that everything will turn out alright. If they don’t, I will pray even harder.

The Allengator
Tags: meaningful
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