First, we will start with countless protrayals of our nations greatest monds working on floats and oversized baloons. The floats clearly screaming out to our nation's youth. Balloons are circa 1930-1972. Fun for the hole (spelled correct, yo!) family.
Then we get some variety. Why not watch some old Christmas classics on tv for the umpteenth millionth time, which will also be aired closer to the actual holiday season? In this one, either some brat, man, or creepy, crotchedy elderly person finds the true meaning to the holday spirit. Warm fuzzies abound!
Speaking of warm fuzzies, instead of watching stale, wooden acting, turn on the national dog/cat/emu breeding/grooming/present competition/show/non-competitive gathering as to not hurt their feelings. Cute mutts with carpet poops CLEARLY being edited out. Special guest star, some "F" list-actor/ess and Mr. Muggles!
But what if you are a manly-man? In thagt case, the other stations cater the ol' American classic, American football. The stadium is full of drunken people who have no sense whether to cheer for a touchdown or the cheerleaders jumping up and down. Think about that last one a sec....
What if you are a kid? Then watch PBS for
Cable is same ol' same ol'. WHOA! MARATHON TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The evening is filled with the finest entertainment. Watch the latest Disney movie released a couple of years ago on DVD. Who doesn't love that. The rating will skyrocket I tells ya! Who wants to watch that when you can catch the mainstay hit realtiy show, because you will totally not be overtelevised other reality shows this spring due to the WGA strike!
Newsmagazines: Yeah, go ahead. Ignore us like always, but we're here!
Commercials will remind you to wake up before the crack of dawn, freeze your collective butts off, just to save $2 on toy your kid won't even like, but you think is cool. $3 DVDs!!! (Sorry, I had to rag on my employer...), then when you recover in the hospital, you can watch all the news programs show videos of lines that you were a part of. Hey, there I am, being gassed and drug off by the police!!!
In all seriousness, be safe everyone. Be careful traveling, and most of all, have fun this weekend! I plan to overglut myself of turkey and mashed potatoes and rolls and......
*An hour later*
....you'll have to roll me out because......
*Another hour later*
...then the prophecy will be fullfilled. INFINITE MONKEYS!!!!!