Allen (allengator86) wrote,

Why I Cried Tonight

You know what I hate? Karma.

Blasted karma.

It seems like every single time I complain about being single on here or between my friends, something happens. I'm not talking about your run-of-the-mill "argument with someone at work that can be easily resolved" type of thing, but the kind of life-affecting thing that really gets to you, like your mother going to the hospital via ambulance, or someone making you break out of your shell and be a part of something monumental.

I go on here and complain freely, because, heck, literally 5 or fewer people actually reads the junk I post on my blog(s) and under half might actually give a hoot. In that department, I might get a reply from an entry roughly once every other month. Point being, in the big scheme of things, no one really cares what I say on here, so I feel it like this is my open forum to the world, so that if one day, some deluted freshman looks at my blog and is like "this dude is so right". I also want to wrok on my WPMs, so when I get my job as head programmer at Microsoft, I won't too quickly develop carpel tunnel syndrome.

I digress.

Anyways, something really big is going down at the last place I'd expect it to. Maybe second? I don't know, my mind is so bruised right now.

When two personalities clash, it isn't a good thing. Would you want to live with someone with a personality clash, like a roomate? Let's say I live with a guy who is a chain smoker. I can't make him stop smoking for my health. I just couldn't live with someone like that. He won't give up smoking, and I would die of an asthma attack if I lived with him. Q.E.D. Now apply that to a more personal matter......

I do not want to go into detail, but let's just say a major shake-up has occured in a place near and dear to me. I'm going to miss seeing friends of mine on a regular basis. They just decided that it is time for them to move on. I hate that it came to a certain situation for it to happen. The circumstances are unfortunate, and that is what kills me.

Another thing is that the other person(s) involved were not at the announcement, and I kinda sorta volunteered to inform them. Why did I do that? I must be some kind of idiot. I mean how can I tell them wha happened without getting emotions stirred up? for once, I don't have a good plan, or even a backup. I have no good way of even being blunt about it. I can just say it, but it won't be enough.

I just don't know what to do, and unfortunately I don't think most of my friends can help me this time around, besides just listening to me. Special creits goes out to Loretta and Brandy. You two have no idea what it means for me to talk to you in confidence. I couldn't ask for better people to help me.

I mean when something happens that puts you in tears.....especially me, the non-cryer, who hasn't cried since about a little over a year ago. I'm not a cryer. I usually display my emotions in other ways. It's BAD when you get me in tears.

Anyways, the next few days will tell their story. After I do my part, all I can do is just watch the events unfold. It's just so sad. I can't make it better. I can't do anything about it. I can' the one who holds things together, like always. I just need to deal with this my own way. A piece is gone, and if it is what it wants, then I just want them to be happy.

I'm praying hard.

The Allengator

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