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'Gator? I hardly knew her!

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Ice King, Adventure Time
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I wish I kind of understood how I feel. Heck, I wish someone would explain to me why I am the way I am. I honestly don't know what I am talking about. I am just so out of it.

I am just really disenchanted with people as a whole. Seriously. I feel kind of like Holden Caulfield right now, which is in no way in direct relation to me rererereading the book right now. I'm just sick of people. Not a good attitude, I know.

It seems that lately, I have just been focusing on how people let me down. That is totally not like me. I wish I knew why I've just felt like this. I have always tried my darndest to find some sort of good. Lately, my fire for that has just not been as hot. No matter how hard I try, it just seems that people depress me. They just seem so.....I don't know the proper term.

I have been trying to make some friends, but everytime, I mean everytime, no matter how hard I try to keep in contact, or anything, they just forget. What do they forget? Everything, like you never existed. They just don't care. I pour and pour into relationships, and I get nothing in return. I confide with people, and I get nada. Its like talking to a wall, I swear, and at least the wall is warm SOME of the time.

Sometimes, I even get treated as a joke. People toy with my life, and I'm tired of it. No wonder I am so introverted! I have tried all sort of people, male and female, rich, poor, workers, slackers, everyone. Despite all of this, I still want something. I just wish I was about 10 years older. I relate more to adults than people around my age! Seriously. At work, it is easier for me to converse with older men and women than most people my age.

Perhaps I'm just stressed. I am getting close to a crossroad in my life. Right now, I might make a decision that might affect the rest of my life. Maybe not, but still. If things work out good, I will be much happier than I am now. If they do not, it may just discourage me more. I might explain more later, but let's just say some "offers" have been coming around. I have been asking various people about stuff, and I am still unsure with what I want to do. I'm just so torn. The real world approacheth.

Maybe it's the weather......yeah.......Blame it on God's creation......

Perhaps it's work, but that's just an excuse and I know it.

Home doesn't seem to be doing much to me.

School isn't hard yet.

The time of year, with the Valentine's decorations out may depress and anger me some, but not to the point of madness.

Ok, I am nearly convinced I am just mentally and emotionally senile. I'm going to go check into the nearest psychiatric ward and not be heard from for several days. Maybe I will feel better with some sleep. I may wake up and realize that I don't have a clue what I meant and how much of a moron I sound like. I mean I feel like this is a blog and that I should express my feelings when I feel like it.

I am not reffering to anyone in paticular in this entry, by the way. If I find out that you are stressed by this or upset, consider yourself warned.

The Allengator

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