allengator86

I suck.

When I was very young, I'm guessing about 8 or 9, I went into a brand new store that just opened called Best Buy. I walked in and saw some really amazing things. I saw music cds, a device called a Super Nintendo, computer software, and other electronics. I don't know why, but I was happy. There was this smell, which is hard to describe, but its the smell when you get something new and electronic. That was the smell I smelled when I went in. I loved it.

One place I was amazed with was the computer section. There were all kinds and different things on each screen. Each one was unique and had a different application. I looked at these for what felt like hours. I was drawn to them. I don't know what it was, but I felt both excitement and intrigue when I tried these machines out. I haven't felt like that with anything else since.

While looking over these computers, I noticed the different applications. One that stood out was a Snoopy application. I think it taught coloring, basic math, and English. It was a package in his signature Snoopy dog house. I played with it, and I thought it was fun, so I asked my parents if I could get it. Since I was a kid, I had no way of affording the high price of the software, and my parents were just getting by, so I never got the software, but in the back of my mind I knew that one day I would be able to do something like that. Perhaps that's how it started.

Then I was in third grade. We had a computer station about the size of a modern entertainment center on four wheels. They sat out in the hallway so they would not distract the students. Out of all the people in my class, I purposefully learned my lessons ahead of time and raced to get my classwork done just so I could boot up the computer. I would take on typing tutors and play Super Munchers to pass the time while everyone else was busy trying to figure out how to multiply 8 by 13. This went on the entire year, and I think I clocked more time on that computer than anyone.

There were several times in the sixth grade when I had the choice between going on Netscape and playing some kind of math rally game, or going outside and playing kickball or soccer. Nearly every time I chose the computer because I enjoyed tinkering with it. If someone messed it up, I fixed it. I showed others how to make it work. It was my passion, my drive.

In seventh grade there was an application, I think it was named along the lines of "Microworlds" or something. I started working with the program, more than the teacher wanted us to, and I created a virtual sandbox with a turtle that played music, changed color, and moved around using a system of Cartesian points. This was something I created just by tinkering with a simple program.

After that, as the years went by, we took more programs at school, and I would do everything in my power to manipulate them. I would skip cutscenes in applications, or tricked a typing trainer that I could type 50 different words a minute, or change a log saying that I typed more than I did.

I know things like this are hard for some people to understand, but its this drive, this curiousness, this passion that caused me to get interested in electronics and computers. I've always had an attraction to them since that day I went into the electronics store.

Haven't you always had a passion for something, wide or specific, that if given the chance that you would spend the rest of your life working or being around it that you would take that opportunity in a heartbeat? Sure, there are other times I could point out, like learning BASIC programming on the TI-83+ Calculator or using this blog to learn HTML right out of high school, years before I took the class. There are lots of little moments throughout my life that I can point to and say, "Yeah, that is a sign that I love this.". Unlike other hobbies, this one hasn't ever faded or gone away.

So I went to school learning how to repair computers. After I felt that I wasn't a particularly strong candidate for that field, I went into programming with my memories or the Microworlds and BASIC calculator programming in mind.

It ends up that I love it more than repair. Nothing beats the feeling like looking at an algorithm and saying "I made this. This is my baby." Its like selling your handmade clothes, purses or jewelry. You made this kind of dress, or just this particular one. You feel pride, and knowing that you did something that you enjoyed. That's how I felt when a web page that I coded went up live, or having my CSS win first in a course-wide contest, or going to Nationals for Skills.

I've put a lot of time and effort into these programs, learning things from console.writeline to threading with a shopping cart website. I continually received good grades, timely work, and quality of code. I made mostly A's, some B's and just one C, I think. I've spent hours trying to perfect my work, or just trying to make it work. I've spent my effort and discipline in that trade.

I had this cockamamie idea that I could do something with myself in this regard, that my skills would prove adequate to a perspective employer. I figured with over 100 credit hours of classes, years of hands-on experience, and classes that rival those of universities would work. I've spent six years of my life learning new things, new technologies. I've learned a lot and feel I have grown more than just a little competent in the field.

But no, that's all a big, fat, lie.

In fact, the world is a cruel place that only cares about people who can spend $100k getting a piece of paper that are still underqualified for the field. They want people with experience that are at a job that requires experience. They don't look at the qualifications, or don't care about them.

I've been to several interviews, and sent in dozens of applications. I have made cold calls and have tried finding an inside track with a place. What am I doing wrong? There are several jobs I know I can do out there if given the chance. Unfortunately, I will probably never be given the chance.

What really brought this on was a recent experience where I was told to show some examples of my online work. I figured I would put in my best, polished projects, maybe some sample code with carefully tabbed areas and lots of comments. I put together what is probably the best I can achieve right now. I got a reply a couple days ago that said, "After reviewing your material, we feel the position is not a strong match for you."

I followed the instructions, I knew the technologies mentioned in the job requirements, I was more than qualified. They were interested until they looked at what I can do, then suddenly became disinterested. This isn't the first time this has happened. This is pretty much on a continual basis. I guess, in short, is that I'm just not good at this stuff, and perhaps I should just throw in the towel.

I really don't want to give up on the 8 year old version of me, but maybe it was just a child's fantasy. Perhaps everything up until now is just a fluke. Perhaps my employers up until now have been right, thinking that the thing I do best is cleaning stuff.

The long and short of it is that I just give up. Evidently I'm not meant to do this kind of stuff. Perhaps the past few months of torture is a sign that I should just relegate myself to being stomped all over. The six years I spent getting two degrees might as well just be several thousand dollar pieces of toilet paper. I've tried everything from employment agencies to college programs, and if no one will accept me out there, then I've just been kidding myself for the past several years and that I'm no one special and that I should just grit my teeth and work at jobs where I will never be satisfied.

World - You've beaten me. I'm a broken man.

The Allengator

I just finished watching My Bride is a Mermaid, and all I have to say is...Wow! This has to be one of the best series I have seen in a long time. I will hopefully have a review of the series up soon. If you're a fan of School Rumble, Pani Poni Dash, and/or Ah! My Goddess, then you will love this anime.

That is it for now.

The Allengator

Today I went to a cousin's wedding. I wanted to go badly because she is the closest person I know that is going to get married anytime soon and one of the few people that would think of inviting me. So today's entry is a little on the corny side, but I'll refrain from being a complete idiot as best I can.

First, I realize how much I want to be married someday. That should go without saying, really, but I saw and felt things today that I haven't felt in a long time. It was like happiness, but different. The ceremony was beautiful.

Speaking of which, I also thought about what I wanted in my dream wedding and realized I need to think more about it. The whole "theme" idea is ok, but there needs to be more to it. I originally was going to hire a monkey, but I later realized that it would be expensive, messy, and slightly immature. So then I decided that I want to go with a geek theme. Have the ceremony done by robots, have everyone dance to Safety Dance and Mr. Roboto, and have a cake that was decorated with 1's and 0's. Now I see that maybe I should incorporate more of a "being together as one for the rest of our lives" motif. Nuts.

Perhaps a robot could still be possible....

I had a blast talking with some people from Nigeria today. I talked with a man who came from Nigeria to live in America. His story was fascinating and nice to listen to. It reminds me of the original "American Dream" that our country used to be thought for. I never have personally known anyone from Nigeria, but he was great company and acted more polite than most people I see on a daily basis. It also made me realize something that I take for granted, and that is living in a modern free country like this is a privilege.

Finally, last short thought.

Today I realized something else, that its possible for me to be nervous. Now I know this sounds weird, coming from a guy who wasn't even a part of the ceremony, but I saw someone there today that made me feel a way I haven't in quite a while, and it felt nice. Very nice.

Anyways, I have a jones for making an audio blog. I guess we'll see.

The Allengator

Recently I've been thinking of how to answer questions that interviewers might ask me. This is based off of an interview I had recently where I had to explain in "regular people speak" about web addresses. I used an analogy for a physical house with a street address. This one isn't all that helpful to the general public, so instead I want to offer something similar with Anti-Virus software.

If I were to choose something to describe Anti-Virus software, it would be a bank that is funded by the mob. No, seriously. A bank, that you put your money in, operated by the mob. Think about it. Is the analogy not sticking yet? Let me explain.

You computer is a pile of cash, but if you leave it unattended, it will attract people wanting to take your money. So in order to protect it, you need to put it in a bank. So you take your cash to a bank, but realize there are many kinds of banks around. Now, there are three options from here on out, as I can explain in detail.

1) You put all your money in one bank. This seems the most practical, but not all banks are created equal. Some will give you interest, some are state of the art, and some will charge you an annual fee to protect your files, much like the mob. You wouldn't want anything to happen to your files, right? We would hate for a...say....worm to get ahold of your money, right? So do the right thing and pay us $50-$70 annually in order to insure your money. Also, we will block anything that remotely looks like a virus. We put your money in a plastic bubble and have guards on it 24/7/365/etc. NOTHING will get through to your stuff, including harmless email from your friends or a site that you know is legitimate.

2) You diversify and put your money in several different banks. Safety in numbers, right? Wrong. You are asking mob members from the north side of town and the mob from the south side of town, and the mob from Italy, and the Triad to guard your money. Each will require its own payment, and each has its quirks. On top of that, the mobs won't play nice with each other. This is an important fact to remember. You will probably not get access to your money because the mobs from the north and Italy are having a dance off to determine whether Internet access should be granted.

3) You do nothing and the mobs steal it all anyways.

However, you don't need a mob to protect your pile of money. What you need is a nice big 'ol hole in the ground. This is also known as freeware. Freeware is like the mob, only they won't make you pay for their services. Again, its not a good idea to dig several holes and put your money in those as you will forget where they are and will never see the cash again, but choose a good reputable hole to stick your money in.

So yes, that is how I would describe Anti-Virus Software. Its necessary to keep your files from being compromised, but for the love of Pete, just go with the freeware as they provide the same kind of protection but without costing you money. As of this writing, I suggest either Microsoft Security Essentials or Avast in combination with Spybot Search and Destroy. They have kept my computer safe for years.

Also, browse with Firefox instead of Internet Explorer as most viruses, worms, and trojans are contacted through there. I use Firefox in tandem with FeedDemon, but RSS is for another time.

So I hope you have learned something, and maybe understand why I have a hard time explaining things on a lower level. Remember, the mob is only out for your money. Sure, they will protect you, but its like paying off a bully. You're better off avoiding them in the first place and just get something as effective for free.

The Allengator

I have an admission to make. I used to make fun of anime theme songs. Seriously, most of them make absolutely no sense. I've been watching Hetalia: Axis Powers and the ending credits song makes no sense whatsoever. Hey hey, mama. Hey hey, papa. Something about drinking beer out of a boot. Use a brush and paint the colors of the world. Something to that effect. It seems like almost every anime theme song I have watched makes about that much sense to me. They don't. I could go on and on, but I made a startling discovery the other day.

Namely, this:



Now watch this, and please, PLEASE tell me how this theme song makes any sense whatsoever. It starts off promising, but when you think about it, what the heck does it have to do with the show itself? Here is another example:



Again, it makes absolutely no sense. Look up the Full House theme song. Its the same thing. I know I'm picking on 90's television theme songs, but still, American television is not immune to the "theme song makes no sense" bug.

Well, that comes to my second startling revelation. I found a theme song that does make sense. It brings me no pleasure to show you this, but this may be the most relevant theme song of all time:



You know its a screwed up universe when Saved by the Bell of all shows makes the most sense.

So out of this I've learned to never question anime songs again, because we are just as guilty as they are. Good luck getting the songs out of your head.

The Allengator

You know, blogging was much easier when I didn't work all the time and went to school. I want to change that, but when you have no real social life, its kind of hard. All I've done is go job hunting, worked before the crack of dawn, and slept. I've also watched 5 seasons of The Office, one of Family Matters, and various anime sets. I've also spent time catching up with some games and I'm working on some programming projects.

So sorry for the boringness and lameness of updating. I have no crazy adventures and nothing inspiring in the tank either. What I need is something major happen in my life, like a career change or a nice girlfriend. I need something exciting to write about. I have some reviews in the tank, but that's about it.

I would love to do a podcast, but I need a partner to do it with. I have some good ideas for it, but I want someone to do it with me because doing it by myself just isn't as much fun as it sounds. Any takers?

Anyways, I'll try harder to update this thing, but don't expect too much. Until later!

The Allengator

One day I was just minding my own beeswax at work, just straightening up the shelves. Remember I work at super happy corporate international conglomerate mart + grocery. The sales portion of the store falls under two categories, general items and grocery items. I have worked there over four years and have enjoyed the general items section of the store immensely, when I got to work there. Groceries was never my interest or problem.

Anyways, I suck at straightening shelves. I have gorilla arms. I also have no idea where anything is, so when a customer asks me where or what an item is, I have to look at them like they are senile and just say "I dunno. I don't work here." I have found this method ineffective over time, so I try to help them, but almost always fail at it, still resulting in a mad customer, but at least I tried, dangit.

So I was straightening up these shelves, right? Suddenly, this very good looking girl comes my way, and her face is screaming "I need help now". After working in a place like this for some time, you can read faces well. She walks up to me, and I'm preparing for something tedious, like bread or beer.

She walks up to me and simply asks, "Where is the naked stuff?"

I froze in place. Naked stuff? What does that mean? We don't have an adult section of the store. We don't sell those kind of magazines. Is she coming on to me? Is she asking me to strip down so we can "produce" in the grocery section? Is this some kind of prank?

Then I got it.

"Do you mean bacon stuff? She gave me a weird look, tilted her head to one side and said, "No, the NAKED stuff". Now I'm all confused.

I think some more and more, then she added some rather helpful information.

"Its a fruit drink" she says. Oh! Now I know what she wants! She wants naked juice! It was just a wrongly telegraphed message from a semi-hot girl.

I smirked, dipped my head, and cooly said, "right next to the fuzzy navel".

The naked stuff is across from the fuzzy navel. Brilliant. No. Seriously. The dairy counter is across from the booze. I wouldn't make this up, would I?

And that was my third-ish best memory ever from my current job.

The Allengator

Whew, its been a while. I needed to dust off my blog on here. Its not that I didn't want to blog, its just that too much has been taking up what little free time I had before. Most of it is work and career related, and that's the topic of this post.

As I've mentioned on here numerous times, I'm seeking employment, and I've posted my resume and other associated material on the Internet. Its nothing major, but I posted one that I used for my competition (each contest required a one page resume). I included little things like "languages I can code in" and "technology experience" and "seeking a profession as a programmer or web developer". You know. Little hints. But you know what they say about certain people and them taking hints.

So I got contacted a couple days after I posted my resume, and I was excited. It was from America's largest supplemental insurance carrier that I can't specifically name on here for fear of getting my knees smashed in. I saw they had a posting for a developer so I was hoping against hope that it would be it. Then I thought "wait, that's a corporate job, and corporate is definitely NOT located down here." They were also very vague on the position I was being interviewed for, but I set up an appointment anyways.

Interview time came and I brought a portfolio filled with resumes, sources of recommendation from colleagues from my college classes and people I've shown off my technical prowess to, and example of code I have written. I went in and the guy said, "This interview is for sales".

And my heart sank 1,000 feet.

I am not a salesperson. Sure, I put "Sales Associate" on my resume, but that really means "Stocker" in work-speak. I don't push people to buy stuff. I think that turns them off, or at least turns me off. I don't like messing with people, or trying to make them purchase something I don't agree with. I can't lie to people and have a clean conscience. I just can't be a sales person. Its not in my blood. A big reason I went into programming was to isolate myself from interacting with people as much as possible. I know its not entirely avoidable, but its certainly a sight better than "Salesman".

So I forced myself through the interview. He started to notice that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't cut out to be a sales person. I tried my best to answer honestly and what he wanted to hear, but its insanely hard to convince someone that coding in HTML equates to selling someone supplemental insurance. I tried tactics and finding ways to make the methodology of coding to selling someone some crap I've never heard of. His body language made me uncomfortable.

Then he actually made a couple of underhanded swipes of my hobbies. He said that programming gets boring after a while and that there is nothing interesting after working in it for a few months. I kept my composure, but I could clearly see that we did not meet eye to eye.

After some more pleasantries, we parted ways and I vow to never go back to that place again, even if I get called for a return interview.

So I look at my resume, headlining "programming and web development". Right there in bolded and italicized text. In plain English. Guess what. I got an email from another guy wanting me to be a sales person.

This time I was tactful and said that it was not in my career field. I really wanted to call him an idiot and just say "read my freaking resume". But I made it crystal clear that I did not want a job in sales and that I was not suited for it in the least. I respectfully declined his offer and said that it concluded our business on the matter.

Then he called me.

Do you not read my things? Did you not read my email or read my resume? Do you take me for an incompetent fool? I said no to your offer and NO MEANS NO!

After doing some research on the company of the second guy, I found out they have absolutely no web presence, no Wikipedia, and I could not locate them in the Better Business Bureau. I think he might have been a scammer, but he probably was just a small operation.

Long story short, my job search is going nowhere fast and believe you me, I've tried everywhere I can think of. But, by golly, if you love selling random insurance or other junk, this is the time for you to find a job here in southwest Missouri!

But before you recruit me into your pyramid scheme, at least please try to read my resume before contacting me.

Please.

The Allengator

So this is one of those stories that is "one thing leads to another". I'll try to keep it as confusing-free as possible.

For about four years now I've hosted my personal domain www.allenspalace.com with Yahoo Web Hosting who was one of the best hosting sites back in the day. For those of you who don't know, in order to have a site, you need someone to host it for you. Its kind of like a real estate company and a house. You have to pay a real estate place to be able to live at that address.

I've been hitting the job market very hard the past few days and I thought to myself: "Hey, hosting my own blog on my site would make me look good!". Normally, I would just forward to this site, but this blog, overall, is not professional and isn't conducive for hiring. I would normally go into a list, but that would take too much time.

So I decided to host a wordtype blog where I can have more freedom, but Yahoo has some seriously pooched mySQL, so I am forced to go to a new hosting site. I found a new hoster and they will supposedly help me with transferring of files and whatnot.

What does this mean to you? It means that sometime in the next week my files will be unavailable, including all audio blogs, images, and executables. They should be back up in a manner of hours if I play my cards right. There will be some downtime, but everything should be back to normal in a few days.

Also, I'm changing the subdomain to this site. So if you're one of those people who are linking to this blog through http://blog.allenspalace.com, then please update your link to http://journal.allenspalace.com. I will be making my new professional blog on the old subdomain, and it will be quite boring for you.

So change your links if you need to. The livejournal address http://allengator86.livejournal.com will remain the same, but the sites that link to it will be different.

All this is just to let you know what's going on, site-wise.

The Allengator

Right, I know that there is a fine line between opinion and appropriateness, but sometimes you have to wonder about DJs and the music they choose. I think all my life has been surrounded by poor music choices at various events, and this past week has forced me to feel the need to say something. First is to prove a fact: DJs support stereotypes.

(For the sake of argument, let's lump band directors, orchestra leaders, and DJ's into the same group. Is it incorrect? Yes. But it beats repeating the list "band directors, orchestra leaders, probablysomethingi'llforgettoaddlater, and DJs". So let's assume that they can all be DJ's since they get to choose which songs are performed.)

Now I am not one to point the finger before pointing it at myself. Do I fit some stereotypes? Absolutely. I'm a geek who is into video games, anime, and J-pop. You can't get much more stereotypical than that. If I were to do some karaoke or something, I would probably do Still Alive from Portal, Ride on Shooting Star by the Pillows, and Hail to the Geek by the Deaf Pedestrians. If I had my own radio station, it would be branded as weird. I would choose music that would be considered rock, overall. Rock with occasional showtunes.

However, the difference with the radio and playing for an event is completely different. On the radio, people can turn you off. With an event, people will have to assault you to make you quit. Trust me, I've been to several events where people got close to that.

However, live events you really need to be careful of choosing a playlist. For example, at your aunt's wedding, you really shouldn't perform the song The Thunder Rolls. Raining Blood would probably also count as a no-no. Basically, any song that insinuated cheating, killing of spouses, or anything by Barry White is strictly off limits at a wedding. But guess what. You are almost over budget, so the only two people you can have perform for you are either your idiot kid brother or your cousin who can only play the spoons and accordion. As they say, in Heaven they give you a harp. In Hell they give you an accordion. So you have no choice but to go with the cheap DJ, and guess what is playing? The entire Kill Them All album by Metallica.

Sometimes there are funerals that get performances. Thriller would NOT be appropriate for a funeral, especially when people start dancing. Sitting up With the Dead would NOT be appropriate for a funeral. I know I'm repeating myself over and over, but I think someone needs to write down the rules for what can and can't be played at functions because they happen all the time.

After 9/11, we were having a Christmas party when in choir, and I brought my Christmas Comedy album featuring such hits like Jingle Cats and Deck the Stalls. One of the songs on said album was Christmas at Ground Zero. Remember after 9/11 it seemed you couldn't go a day without the news mentioning "Ground Zero", and here we were, some blond idiot wanting to play this song. Now, I think the song was awesome, but a voice in my head was shouting "INAPPROPRIATE!!!!" over and over and over. I told him not to play it. He did anyways, and some of the people looked offended. He was an idiot. I bet he would make an awesome DJ.

At my sister's college they have a replica of the car from the Beverly Hillbillies, and they are super proud of that. They also host a regional basketball tournament where states as far as Minnesota come to show off their basketball prowess. I live in Missouri, which is, stereotypically, redneck/hillbilly country, and a lot of us down here really want that to stop. Sure, we may never be refined like someone from Chicago, but I don't eat squirrel meat or desire to mate with a cousin. That's just wrong. But no. There is a national ball tournament, and guess which song was played not only at every single game, but before every single half? That's right, the theme song to the Beverly Hillbillies.

Which brings me to what got me prompted to write this thing out. While at Kansas City for a national tournament that focused on preparing to enter the workforce through professionalism and leadership, we had an opening and closing ceremony that can only be described at loud and live. There was a ton of energy, and the DJ was doing so so good. Sure, I didn't care for half the songs he chose, but kudos to the man for choosing such indie classics like Chelsea Dagger and hits like Thunderstruck. Bad Romance and Don't Stop Believin' blared on the speakers and I can't fault him for that. People liked that. There were people from New York to LA, from the Virgin Islands to freaking Guam, and it came time for the final song. This needed to be a song of epicness that would give us a great head start to the closing ceremony. Maybe something meaningful, or maybe something electric. I wanted to hear something from Space Jam, or maybe even something that Glee performed but by the original artist. Queen would have been epic.

But no.

Instead, we got this, which admittedly the people from Oklahoma, Texas, Tennessee, Missouri, and Arkansas liked, but other people kind of looked in horror.

Yes, at a national leadership and professionalism contest, they played this little gem.

During the entire song I yelled "EPIC FAIL! EPIC FAIL!" repeatedly while facepalming and doubling over in sheer horror while everyone around me was screaming the song.

So there, Missouri is nothing but a bunch of hillbilly rednecks. Are ya happy now, DJs?

The Allengator