allengator86

I live in a rural part of Missouri that is mostly comprised of farms and octogenarians, so the main methods of education are Jesus, MFA, and Gun learning.  While the first two don't bother me, the last one does.  You see, I'm now 26, and I just shot a gun for the first time at a shooting range over a month ago.  I am clearly a disgrace to my native state who would be the last area on Earth to ever revoke the right to bear arms.  In fact, if it were up to the voters, I'm sure there would be a unanimous landslide to change the state motto to "The Sho-Me Your Gun State".  Tru fax.

My history with guns is quite sad, considering the above fact of my recent shooting spree.  When I was in Jr. High, we were required to take a mandatory hunter's safety course over a couple months.  I was in a class filled with "veterans" of the hunting business, some bragging that they have been hunting since they were "one years old", however that works.  Then again, I guess that is no different from me saying "I've played video games since I've had the motor controls to handle an NES controller, so about 3 years old.  I have pics.  Anyways, the mighty hunters were bragging because they were all licensed (We had to take the exam as part of our grade) and for once they were the experts on the subject while eggheads like me were completely and utterly hosed.

We took the exam weeks later, and I studied only a tiny part of my brain out, which was barely at all.  After all was said and done, I ended up with the highest score of 100% while the guys who have been doing this all their lives almost failed.  Actually, I take that back, I got over 100% because I found a discrepancy with one of the questions compared to the official manual.  Since I was known as "the guy who never went hunting", and I breezed the exam, I was one of the more loathed people in our Jr. High.  I got my hunting license, but never used it, and never shot a gun.  In fact, the only reason I took the exam was just for my grade and nothing more.

Fast forward a decade and a half, give or take, and I'm comfortable with not knowing how to disassemble a death machine.  I work at an IT company that is filled with individuals with the same tastes as mine.

Except that is a lie.

Again, I'm on the outside looking in.  Everyone there is a major gun enthusiast.  I am known as the "anime guy" because I'm the only one there who watches anime.  I don't talk about anime like they talk about guns though.  Seriously, all I have to say is "I saw a mag in a display case the other day" and the entire office erupts with several straight hours of determining if the barrel of a gun needs to be realigned, or what type of bullets work best in an AK-47.  I just sit there, alone, listening to Pandora on my computer because I have nothing to add to the conversation.

The guys like to go out for gun field trips to the shooting range once in a while.  Every time they went, I was coincidentally busy.  That was not a sarcastic or sly remark, I really was busy.  One time the Chuck finale was on.  Another time I had a date with some stir fry.  I knew eventually they would reel me in because "I would look funny shooting a gun".  Finally, I agreed to meet them at a shooting range so they would shut up about me missing the target and screaming like a girl when a gun went off.

It was a dark and stormy night.  I made it to the shooting range which is located on a cliff above a busy interstate.  The wind was blowing my car back and forth, and those who know me know I'm not a light guy, so that was a shocker in and of itself.  I heard thunder, and looked at the weather radar on my phone.  While it looked stormy, nothing serious was on the way.  That is when I realized I was hearing gun fire.  I ducked my head, said a prayer to not kill myself or others, and made my way in to Sound of Freedom.  At first sight, it doesn't sound like a name for a shooting range.  It sounds more like a music or patriotic store.  Nope.  It was full of ammunition, guns, mounted animals, testosterone, camouflage, and guys with bad goatees.

Eventually, the guys from work showed up, and we paid to go and shoot at targets that were conspicuously shaped like human heads.  One guy gave me earmuffs that allowed for human speech to come through, but kept gunfire to a dull roar.  We walked to the range and my life changed forever for a few minutes.

The shooting range looked like something out of a drug-induced nightmare.  It was like the 60's mated with a warehouse and a horse track.  You know the gates the horses start from?  Well, it was like that, but with the lanes colored in what can only be described as psychedelic colors.  The only thing missing from this place was The Monkees singing "FREAKY RAINBOW ROOM!!!".

I watched on as the others emptied clip after clip of ammunition.  Suddenly, a realization came to me.  Based on the price of ammunition in the lobby, anime is by far a cheaper hobby.  With one victory secured for my hobby, I was offered to shoot something called a twenty-two.  I took the pistol in my hand and evidently pointed it the wrong direction judging form everyone's reaction.  With my barrel pointed the correct way, I shot at Fauntleroy, the name I gave our silent, bullet-holed profile man-dude.  Then I learned something.  Evidently, you need bullets in the gun to shoot at the target.  Fine, I knew that much, but I had no idea that was what they referred to as a magazine.  I thought that was a grip or something.  After putting bullets in the piece, I shot at Fauntleroy with a passion that could only be called psychotic.  I yelped like a trooper, apologized to Fauntleroy for clipping his ear, and laid the twenty-two down.

After emptying a few magazines, I sat down and watched the others shoot themselves silly.  One guy had a sub machine gun and was missing his target, Patricia, a lot.  So more attention was on fixing his sight.  Eventually, he broke Patricia's heart more times than I could count.  Then the big guns were brought out.  I was offered to shoot something called a nine millimeter.  I said no, I needed to level up my gun slinging skills.  They looked at me as if I was speaking in latin or something, and, with more volume, started destroying the targets.

Yes people, these are programmers.  Those nerdy guys you think work behind a desk and computer?  They are actually gun-wielding enthusiasts.  Remember that next time you call tech support.

Eventually, I was coerced into shooting one of these bad beats, and I am proud to say I didn't scream as loud when it went off in my hand, though the recoil was a pain.  Nearly tore the hide off of my hand.  I noticed sparks coming out of the barrel, so I figured I would be engulfed in flames any second.  So I put the gun down, and cowered next to the wall, hoping they would leave soon.  A little while later, we left and I got a brand new appreciation for guns.

Now I can see why some people would want to choose shooting guns as a hobby.  I mean it's relaxing...no...it is exciting...wait...it's...expensive?  Fine, I still don't see it, and I doubt I ever will.  I would much rather use throwing stars or the force to stop a crook than open my bag, load my magazine, put the magazine in the gun, prep the barrel, point at the perp, take off the safety, and pull the trigger.  See?  By step two I would already be mugged or killed.  This is why I employ the "cover face and genitals, run like mad, and scream like a girl" tactic.  Gets them every time.

This post brought to you by someone who scored perfectly on a hunter's safety exam.

The Allengator

It was hard saying goodbye to a friend you invited to your house over the last five years, but tonight it was done.  Chuck is now over.  I know my love for the show has been well documented on here, so I will just cut to the chase of what made tonight, and the series itself, so great to me.

The mid 00's (not sure if I am hitting that decade correctly, but whatever), brought us all kinds of great television shows.  During that time three main shows ruled my life in the form of Lost, Heroes, and Chuck.  Lost was getting ready to end it's run, Heroes went off the rails a little too much and never recovered, but Chuck was always there.  Sure, the jarring reboots were not the best in television writing, but it still maintained something special.  After it ended tonight, that was it.  The last of the great shows from the mid-to-late 00's. 

Since then, no show has held a candle to Chuck.  I've tried my best to get in to shows, but so far no dice.  Grimm seems like a darker version of Pushing Daisies.  Glee got a bit to agenda-ish and big-headed for my taste.  New Girl, while good, has dropped a few pegs lately.  I've tired several times to get in to Once Upon a Time (and may still get there to help fill the void), but just can't seem to appreciate it.  Chuck just had a feel to it that compelled me to watch and root for team Bartowski every week.

Perhaps it is because, especially at first, the series spoke to me.  Chuck is a down on his luck nerd who has seemingly no luck with women, stuck in a dead end job, and has an affinity for pop culture and video games.  I could relate easily.  When the series first aired, I was Chuck Bartowski.  Watching him evolve from man-child, to man, to competent spy made me live vicariously through the show.  Ok, so I have no will to be a spy, and feel like I'm a long ways from being a "man", but it was still relatable,

The series was not perfect.  This season is probably my second least favorite season, but even at its worst it still excelled where most shows fail nowadays.  Yes, the writing was sometimes clumsy.  The plot started making little sense.  More holes in the mythology started to appear the longer it was on the air.  I didn't like the transition from plain Chuck to super spy Chuck.  The final antagonist virtually came out of nowhere.  The list can go on. 

The thing the series had that a lot of other series lack was heart.  You could tell the actors loved doing what they did.  Chuck fans were extremely passionate to keep it going for five seasons. Nearly every interview with a cast member, they would bring up the fans and thank them, and you knew they meant it.  I doubt we will see this happen to another series for a long time.  Sure, some shows have more of a following, but Chuck fans were passionate, loyal, and acted when called.  Name another series that went to the lengths that Chuck fans have gone.

Also, I would have never guessed the show would last as long as it did when it first premiered.  I would have given it maybe two seasons.  It went for five seasons.  Almost 100 episodes which would have given them syndication rights.  Who would have guessed that it would outlast Heroes in both length and number or seasons?  Heroes started off hot and when Chuck appeared on the schedule during Heroes' sophomore season, I would have never called that.  The series came back after the awful writer's strike which caused the death of other shows like Pushing Daisies.  It had partial seasons, premiered halfway into the television season, was opposite of Gossip Girl, House, and Dancing With the Stars.  Yet it survived for five seasons.  I think that in an of itself is an accomplishment.

So yes, tonight was bittersweet for me.  I will miss the little show that could.  I am still in denial about the whole thing, but I will come to accept it in due time.  Thank you Chris Fedec, Zachary Levi, and the others of the cast and crew of this incredible show.  You gave me reason to turn on my television at least once a week.  Actually, I think I misspoke there.

Chuck is the little show that did.

The Allengator

Hello to the wild world of the Internet and all two of you who follow my blog on here!  It's been a long time since I last updated on here (about six months since I've done a blog entry proper on here), and quite a bit has happened.  Part of it has caused me to be away from this blog as well as my other blog, and for once I'm not going to overly complain about it.  I think this calls for a catch up session on here.  Thus the title.  Well, I also have an affinity for ketchup, but that's beside the point.

The first bit of news I am happiest about.  I have quit my old job and started a new job!  The old Baal-Mart was really getting to me both physically and mentally.  In short, I was becoming a depressed, overly-jaded elderly man when I should be feeling the energy of my so-called youth.  As much as I would love to go over the juicy details of my departure, I will talk about it some.  My last day involved a couple of bro-hugs.  I said "bye" to people who didn't realize I was leaving.  I also left mutually.  Unfortunately, as much as they have screwed me and my family and friends over, I still had to have this friggin' "nice guy" act.  People have been telling me far and wide that I'm a "nice guy" lately.  I do try, but my question is "when will my day come?"  Nice guys need a wife to procreate with too!

Handing in my two weeks was probably my best moment ever.  I felt emancipated after handing the three sentence letter to lower management.  What made it sweeter was that it was to my assistant and his immediate underling manager.  Two birds with one stone.  I handed the letter, told him "this is my two weeks" and walked off before he could tell me he wouldn't take it.  It was liberating, and for the first time the world was brighter and birds were chirping where I worked.  Now this may partially be because they just installed new lighting and a bird was on the loose (and pooping all over the place I may add), but I would like to think it was the freedom ringing in my heart.

Now of course I wouldn't have left without locating new work.  This is a funny story...well, for me at least.  After spending over a year securing work and going through grueling interviews and painful job fairs, I landed me a job at an insurance company doing maintenance work on their legacy systems on an outdated programming language.  It was a contracting position that was supposed to be "long-term".  No benefits, paid vacation, taxes, or sick days.  I asked the chances of securing regular full-time employment, and they said that could take some time.  I was fine with that, because it was still a sight better than being yelled at by a man who just comes up to my nipples.  Then I got a call from another place with a similar offer, except they claim to have a more concrete plan.  They wanted to hire me as a contractor for a few months, then pursue full-time employment if things worked out.  I had classes with a couple of guys there and most are graduates from the same college.  They used more up-to-date software, but were a much smaller operation.  I decided to go with them, because 1) It wasn't insurance (I would have to take classes on insurance and government regulations...ick!) and 2) They seemed to be a more tight-knitted group of people.  In the end, I hope I made the right choice.  I'm still in the contract "grace period", but I really hope to be a full-fledged member of the team.  If I don't, which is always a possibility, I can at least say I have valuable experience in the field now.  I have learned so much in the past few weeks it isn't funny.

What I like about the job is that it is in the field I studied for, I don't have to deal with over-bearing managers who annoy the snot out of me, and I don't have to deal with John Doe, the hillbilly who carries a shotgun with him everywhere as a customer.  I have been getting some much needed validation and genuine appreciation for what I do.  A job hasn't provided the satisfaction I now have like this one has.  I'm happier, less depressed, and can hold my head up high.  My class reunion will say Allengator is a Programmer instead of a peon at Baal-Mart.  Not that there is anything wrong, but I am smart, and I have gotten an education, and I can do so much more than serve for people I could beat three times over on an IQ test.  I'm not getting full of myself, but it feels better when the CEO of a company is someone who actually works and knows a ton more than you do.

But enough about that.  My personal life has changed some too.  First, I've been trying to be more spontaneous and brave with what I do.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to bars or clubs, perish the thought.  I mean I am doing things I kept telling myself to do, but never got the motivation for.  I became friends with a really neat person, and she has pushed me to try new things and get myself out there more.  Now when I see a place that catches my eye, I will usually check it out.  I am no longer curious about the arcade.  When a place catches my eye, I say "why not" and go for it.  I wish I could be that brave with women, but I'm getting there.  The guys I work with have taken me to places I haven't been to before.  It's helped me get out of the rut I've been in lately.  I'm still in a rut in a way, but I have options to go after now. 

Unfortunately, my love life is nothing to write about right now.  I went on a lunch date with a girl a few months ago, but that has been about it.  I'm still looking for love, but it seems to be taking its sweet little time getting over here.  Maybe I already know my future wife.  Maybe she is still out there.  Only the future holds the answer, and it is being the proverbial bully, lording the key just barely out of my reach.  The future is probably a basketball star or Asian.

My hobbies are varied now too.  Spending more time at work has caused me to barely keep up with the shows I like that are on TV now, let alone any extra ones, like anime, or time to play games.  I have recently acquired all of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Spice and Wolf, the two Evangelion movies, Baka and Test, Squid Girl, and Fairy Tail lately.  There aren't a ton on the horizon that I want to get, aside from more Fairy Tail and Madoka Magica.  I need to get more involved again, but I am still transitioning to my new job, and if the rest of the crew is any indication, my free time may be coming to a close soon.  I hope to keep my life compartmentalized like I have been to so far.  I need my down time between shifts at work.  I need my mindless television, my time with friends and family.  I hope I can keep some semblance of that in the future.  Only time will tell.

As for blogging, there is no way I am going to be returning to the update regimen I used to have.  I can barely tolerate coming home to type in front of a computer after spending 8+ hours typing in front of a computer.  Plus, I have my other blog that I need to update again, which keeps my interests more.  My life is less interesting and I have less to blog about since I am out of soap opera city now.  I also have less time to dedicate to the blog.  Just don't be surprised if you don't hear from me much for the near future.  I will blog some again, it just may be a while.  Keep your RSS feeds or eyes on this blog and you may be surprised with an entry again in the future.  Maybe around the holiday season when I get more days off.

Until then, keep everything frosty!

The Allengator